Marriage Without Love (Completed)

Chapter 33

Media : Nobody by Snow Watson (yes, our snow.😝😝😝) Listen till the end. Then you will know.

"That was the day on which all the confusion started." Will exclaimed.

I shifted my gaze from his hand, which was caressing mine, to his face. I had utter confusion etched on my face. Why was this confusing to him? I mean if you like someone, you just like them. No reasons required. Right?

What the hell I am thinking? There's no way he can like me.

He chuckled with distaste.

"I kinda know what you are thinking but it's much more complicated than that. Emotions are never that simple. It would have been okay for everyone else but for me, it was like MY ENTIRE IDENTITY was CHALLENGED. It was like I was, again, in that phase when I was conflicted and struggling with me 'being a gay' and not 'being normal'." He face showed a pained expression as he relives that moment in his memory. Now it was my chance to caress his hand.

"The struggle that time, the conflicting emotions, the shame and everything...the hiding was so damn difficult. It was like I was standing at the center of a tornado. Now when this scene happened, I was there, at the same point, all over again." He said while giving me a strained smile.

"I am sorry about that. It must have been really hard." I caressed his hand again. Infact I never stopped caressing his hand, which seemed to tremble once when he mentioned about the hiding.

His pain was so damn evident that my heart felt a pang too.

Life is so hard for everyone. Everyone struggles with one thing or the other. Though people might say that there are people there with bigger problem out there and all that shit but the truth is; the struggle one faces can be the most difficult for them though it might mean nothing to others. For them, it might even be life shattering for the person experiencing it. So no one should ever belittle what others going are through. Respect their emotions and support them because it means a lot to the person when all it takes is a few comforting words.

"Yes. It was. And that was the reason why I did what I did. Trying to deny my feelings for you, ignoring you, taking my frustrations out on you, and hurting you by my words. I was just trying to protect myself. I was being selfish and your selflessness kinda made it easier too. It made me take you for granted." He said with a guilt and hurt ridden face.

"So as you know, to deny any feelings for you, I courted Mark. After seeing you laughing and talking to that fake in the pub, I kissed Mark in jealousy(?) but didn't feel that spark." He said with uncertainty about the jealousy part.

"The fake?" I quizzed, laughing at his nicknaming someone as fake.

"Yeah, that Clarke man whom you call Superman. He is such a pain." He groaned. "You got drunk with that guy at your first meeting with him? You trusted him that much? I was so damn annoyed and then you went on to be in his arms as he supported you...that set me on fire. I would never forget that picture. It hurted so much and there was so much rage. I wondered why? I mean I didn't know him so I didn't know if he was a good person or not but he was blacklisted in my mind just because you talked and laughed with him. I became even more confused when you fell into my arms while getting out of car when we reached home that day. It felt so right. You fitted into my arms perfectly." A smile graced his lips.

"But then I got furious because I wasn't supposed to feel like that. I couldn't like you. You were a woman. So I did the most stupid thing and shouted at you. Though i felt a throb in my heart when you detached yourself from me, I also felt relief. Relief that I was gonna be fine and I would not like you or care about you anymore. So I ignored you and focused my whole self on Mark." He smiled shaking his head at his silly deeds.