Burdens [Furry BxB]

Chapter 73 - Clarity

On a bed laid a fox, staring at the ceiling. His eyes were wide open and his eyes constantly darted back and forth. It was evident that he was deep in thought.

The covers were pulled over him up to his chest and he slept in his clothes. He had changed them after a shower he took when the wolf had left his house.

It all felt so simple to him now. It was as if he and found his tranquillity finally amidst the turbulence of his current life. He had reached Nirvana and had not even realized it, and he did not even have to meditate but once.

He pulled off his covers and sat up. He could hear that his parents were home, but they had arrived a while ago. They seemed to be getting ready for bed, just as he had done, but he could not sleep. It was not so much that he was not tired, but he was restless. That, and he did not want to lose this moment of clarity. What if it did not come back after he had wakened?

He grabbed a piece of paper and began writing things that came to his mind. His paw did not stop moving with all the scribbling, and he began outlining plans for the future. It felt like the right thing to do, he thought to himself.

Everything he wanted to accomplish was in his mind, and he saw all of the valid and appropriate paths he would have to take to achieve his goals. What were his goals, though? He thought that his ultimate goal was to become successful in life so that he did not have to try too hard to make a living, but the more he thought about it, the less he cared. Really, what good would any of that be if he did not enjoy the life he was living?

It was comfortable, sure. He gave it at least that much credit. That was all it was, though, was comfortable. Still, it laid the foundation for a better future. What would really make him happy, though?

He thought the answer to that had been to be with someone he loved and have a family. He originally had that that was the vixen, or at least if not her, then one like her. He was finding out, and at a fairly quick pace, that this was not so. He did not really mind her, but rather he found a better alternative if the said alternative was viable. A family, though, would be out of the question, unless they found an alternate approach.

He identified and confirmed that he truly desired to live with his best friend. He wanted him as more than a friend, and in reality, that was what they were, but he wanted him to be even more than that. He wanted to be close to him, intimate with him, but all of the opportunities he had had for such a thing he had fled from.

The wolf had asked him to further explain masturbation, and he had mentioned that he might do so, but would he really? It was not something that friends would normally do, was it? He had never heard of such a thing, but just because he had not heard of it did not mean it was unthinkable. Indeed, he thought of it a lot.

Perhaps he would explain it by example. He would be far too embarrassed, though, as far as he could tell by his own feelings. Perhaps it was just something that would never come about.

A relationship with the wolf might have been impossible, but it was definitely what he wanted. He brainstormed ways to make such a thing known to the wolf and drew blanks. The only option that had any possibility of working was just to tell him, but how would that ever come up?

Roger thought about it. Hunter was just too... child-like, in a sense. Innocent in another. Everything that seemed to be relatively common for teenagers and everyone in that age group was new and odd for the wolf. It was as if he had been living under a rock, except with his paws tied around his back instead of his front so that they could explore.

The outline began to revolve around the wolf. What was to happen tomorrow? It was a make or break, it would seem. If he failed the test or did fairly poorly, he would be cut from the team. They had been studying, though, so it should be safe, but he still worried.

In the event that the wolf lost his position on the team, what then? He would be heartbroken. What could Roger do in that instance?

It began to feel a lot more likely the more he thought about it. It really just required that a teacher not like Hunter, or that the coach did not like him, and he would be gone. So what could he do, to prepare for such an incident?

It was a simple answer to him. He would replace the football team with himself. They would play football together. He was not good at it, and in fact, he dreaded the prospect of it, but it felt like it would be the right thing to do. It was, by all means, the definite path that he would take if given the hypothetical situation. In theory.

In reality, though, would he really do such a thing? He kept telling himself he was not good at it, and it was true every single time he said it. He would get better, but in the time the wolf was playing with him, the wolf's skills would deteriorate. Could the fox perhaps recruit someone to play with them?

What if his friends? Surely one of them might have been interested in such a thing at one point in time. He would have to ask.

All the writing and planning was beginning to become cumbersome. Sleep was finally catching up to the fox, but he still wanted to think about the future a bit more while he was able to focus. He had finally been given sight only to have it be taken away by the hands of time.

All he could do was hope that it would still remain when he woke up. If it did not remain, then at least he had his plans on paper, so what he gathered from this night was better than nothing.

What would be the actions that he would take, though?

He figured that tomorrow he would find out.

No sooner than the moment he shut his eyes was he asleep.