Helpless | A Modern Hamliza Story

Chapter One

Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton: My Love Story

October 14, 2019

Hey, everyone! So many of you have been asking for my love story, so I thought I'd finally sit down and write about it for you! This one may be a little longer, so bear with me!

As many of you know, I have been married for two years now to the love of my life, Alexander Hamilton. We met back in 2010 in our freshman year of college. We both attended NYU with a few of our friends, and it was actually my sister who set us up at a party. Alex would tell you that he was the first to fall for me, but really it was I who had fallen for him immediately! And boy, was I helpless for my olive toned boy with the beautiful long hair.

Our first date was at Think Coffee that was a quick walk from campus. Even after that first date I knew we'd be in each other's lives forever.

To be quite honest, the scariest moment was realizing that he was the one I couldn't live without. That in any situation I would die for him. Not even three months into our relationship, I blurted out that I was going to marry him while we were laying in my apartment having deep conversations about life and our future. The second I said it, I wanted curl up into a ball in sheer embarrassment that I had even brought it up.

I remember his eyebrows raising in shock that I had even brought it up. Maybe thirty seconds later, his expression softened and he gave me the goofiest smile I had ever seen. I had never felt so giddy as to when he responded that he wanted to marry me too.

Every Saturday was considered date night for us for all four years in college, and I'm happy to say that despite the downs that came with being in a serious relationship throughout college, we made it. We made it, and got engaged in Central Park two years out of college. That was when I started blogging, as many of you know. Two years into marriage, and we're still going strong.

It hasn't been easy, these last two years. Anyone could have fooled twenty-five year old Eliza into thinking marriage would be easy. It comes with its own ups and downs, mostly ups. We're as happy as can be.

But as we began trying for a baby over a year ago, we've had to come to terms that it may not happen for us naturally. The doctors and fertility specialists can't figure out what's wrong—everything seems to be in our favor. But we will have our baby one day, whether it happens naturally or not.

When people kept asking me to share mine and my husband's love story, I had to laugh. It assumes that marriage ended our story. In reality, our story still continues and will continue until we die. And I'm excited to share the continuation of our story with everyone on this blog, whatever life brings us.

Eliza sighed and sat back as she posted her newest blog post. She turned to the negative pregnancy test sitting on the desk next to her laptop, checking it one last time in hopes that it magically turned positive.

When she and her husband started this journey over a year ago, they never expected that they would be here, still struggling to conceive.

She closed her laptop and carried the negative test with her to the living room, where she curled up with a blanket, lost in her thoughts.

Her mind flashed back to when she and Alexander had first started getting serious in their relationship. Everything had been so easy. They knew they wanted to get married once they had stable careers, and knew they wanted at least five children. Eliza even wanted more than that. Now those hopes seemed distant. They'd be happy to even just have one.

Just a few minutes later, her husband returned home from work to see his wife cuddled up with her favorite throw blanket and searching for the remote control. She usually only wrapped herself up like a burrito when something is bothering her.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, slipping his shoes off and onto the shoe rack and removing his suit coat jacket.

His work bag had already been placed in its usual home as he walked over to the couch. That's where he saw the test in her hand and immediately knew exactly what was bothering her.

"Negative again?"

He didn't really have to ask because he already knew. This wasn't the first time he had come home to this sight after finding out there was yet another negative test. He knew the drill. Tonight would be movie and ice cream night.

Eliza nodded, sitting up from the couch and unwrapping the blanket from her arms to hand him the test. She moved over to allow Alexander to sit next to her, then cuddled up next to him.

"I really thought it was positive this time. I guess I'm just sick and not nauseous from being pregnant." She sighed and wrapped her arms around his abdomen.

The pregnancy test was placed on the end table next to the couch as Alexander moved to comfort her. Running his fingers through her dark hair, he calmed down whatever emotions she was feeling in the moment.

"I'm sorry, honey." He kissed the top of her head. "We're going to have a baby one day. But how about for now, we order a pizza, eat some ice cream, and have a movie night? Movie of your choice."

Eliza smiled for the first time that day since seeing the negative test. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at her handsome husband, appreciating that he was taking a break tonight, just to make her feel better.

"Even 10 Things I Hate About You?" she questioned, knowing that even though it was her guilty pleasure and favorite rom-com, he hated that movie with a burning passion.

Internally, he wanted to argue back at the very thought of the movie. But he did say it was her choice after all. He bit his tongue and smiled back at his sweet wife. "Even 10 Things I Hate About You."