Can you really just be friends if you're having sex? Of course! While you're dealing with frustrations, you enlist your friend Bucky Barnes to help ease you, but only as friends, no strings attached. Just two friends helping each other out.
Bucky didn't know how long he had been standing over the grave when he heard footsteps behind him.
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"I had a feeling I would find you here," you say wrapping your arms around him.
He half smiled, "you were sleeping I didn't want to wake you."
"You can't keep doing this to yourself Bucky. It's not your fault Nate's dead," you say looking down at a grave marker Bucky made.
"If I hadn't killed his family he wouldn't have been out for revenge. His life was altered because of what I did. I keep thinking maybe he would have lived a good life, had a wife, maybe kids. You wouldn't have gotten hurt." He shook his head,"I'm the cause of all this."
You hated seeing him relive the pain of his past. "That's not true Buck, this is Hydras fault. They controlled you, they controlled Nate family, that's what they do. Hydra made you kill those people. You would have never chose to do that," you remind him.
"But I did do them (y/n)," he said grazing your arm with his fingertips. "I'm always going to be a monster to someone."
"You're not a monster to me," you say kissing his temple, "Monsters don't bury thier enemies in marked graves. Nate got more than he deserved," you say watching Bucky's eyes gaze over the stone.
It wasn't really Nate's grave, Bucky had his body sent back to Russia to be buried with his family. Bucky felt it was least he could do. Because that was who he truly was, a good man.
After you passed out in the bunker from blood loss you ended up at the hospital. Bucky didn't leave your side for a moment. Your shoulder had healed up and you no longer had gauze wrapped around your nose. All your physical wounds have healed but all of Bucky's mental wounds were opened.
Bucky turned to you and cupped your face. "Nate was right I don't deserve you. You could do better." You shook your head no. "How can I love this much?" He whispered causing you to smile. His hands grazed your cheek, "When he had you in the bunker I was ready to kill anything in my path, without consequence, to get to you. I would do it again too."
"That doesn't make you a monster," you interrupt him. "It's okay to love someone and have them love you back," you grab his hands. "You deserve to have love after everything you've been through. You are more than worthy. I love you, knowing all your past. I know the man that you are." His ocean blue eyes stared into yours. "Forgive yourself my love." You say bringing his hand to your face for a kiss.
He brought you in close and kissed you hard. Since the bunker he always kisses you like it's the last time.
"I have no idea what I would do without you," he whispered against your mouth. "If I ever lost you I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd go crazy," his hand brushed back your hair.
You smiled against his lips. "You don't ever have to find out. I'm yours Bucky Barnes, no matter what," you whisper kissing him again. "Let's get out of here."
