Save My Soul : Bakugou x Reader

16 - A Much Needed Conversation

After the ceremony the class was sat down in their classroom listening to Aizawa who was summing up the experience and what was to come. Ever since your loss to Bakugo you had avoided eye contact with everyone. You were so ashamed of yourself, of losing because your emotions took over you.

You got up as the class was dismissed and quickly speed walked to the front of the room and cleared your throat. "Um, I have something I need to say." You announced in front of everyone and they all stilled in their seats looking to you expectantly. You trudged to Bakugo's side before kneeling down and placing your hands on the floor above your head. 'why did I add the bowing onto the bet?'

"Well Bakugo, you won the bet so, you are better than me." You spoke through gritted teeth, practically forcing the words out. You got up and dusted off your hands and and knees. You looked down at the seated boy, making eye contact. He didn't look as angry as before but the medal hanging from his mouth was still quite comical. You then turned on your heel and paced out of the room avoiding everyone's confused glances.

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"So... do you want to talk about what happened during your fight today?" You were currently sat eating your tea with Aizawa in the kitchen, you dug your fork into your food with a bit more force than necessary. The atmosphere had been awkward and tense, reflecting how you felt at the moment.

"I just haven't seen my wings in a while is all." You mumbled and shoved a forkful of food into your mouth. He sighed at your answer, he knew there was more to it than that. Your reaction was far too extreme for just simple shock.

"How long has it been?" He inquired and took a sip of water from his cup. His eyes bored into your soul as you looked down.

"Eight years, I haven't used them since that night." Your grip on your knife and fork tightened. You scrunched up your face and tried to will the memory away but you never could.

"I want you to use them when we train with quirks from now on." You looked up in shock at this. You had never even thought about using them again since just thinking about it brought up bad memories.

"What? No I-... I can't! The last time I used them properly I killed two people!" You protested, your voice was raw and held no pretence of other emotions except the panic and fear you felt at the idea.

"That won't happen again (Y:N), you were under a lot of stress when that happened and you were young." He argued trying to get you to see his side of things.

"Well correct me if I'm wrong but isn't being a hero stressful?! I don't even want to be a hero and I certainly don't want to use my wings! No good has ever come of them!" You stood up and slammed your hands against the table as your eyes began to tear up.

"(Y:N)! You will never get over this if you just run from it!" He was trying to make you see reason but you just couldn't, fear and disgust at yourself had already taken ahold of you.

"You want me to just get over the fact that I've killed?! You know what I saw when I looked at my wings?! All I could see was those two men's blood! It's my fault that they and my parents are dead because I'm not cut out to be a hero! I'm a villain, it's all I've ever been good for!" And with that closing statement you punched the table with the side of your right fist and ran to your room, slamming the door shut behind you.

You rested yourself against the cold wood of the door as your head hung lowly from your shoulders, finally letting the tears burst past your eyelids. You gasped and sobbed and slid down the door to curl in on yourself. Your head placed on top of your knees as you hit both sides of your head repeatedly. "You're weak! You're just a pathetic little girl who's never done anyone any good!"

You continued your assault on your head until a voice sounded from behind the door, "Your not weak (Y:N), and you're definitely not a villain. You're stronger than you could ever imagine and you're perfect hero material... you just have to let go of the past and move forward." You stayed silent, all he could hear was your hurried inhales and shaky exhales as you sat and thought about his words. Thoughts and memories of your parents, The Workshop and the Shie Hassaikai passed through your mind.

He was about to leave when he heard your voice from behind the door, small and quiet. "I don't want to be associated with heroes. All that they do, they do for themselves." Your voice was scratchy from crying. You rubbed your red sore eyes as you stood and made your way to the bed and collapsed.

'Should I really use my wings again? No that's ridiculous, they're dangerous! But... I miss flying and it's not like it's the wings' fault those men died, it's mine. I need to control them if I don't want it to happen again. I need to take responsibility for what happened and stop blaming the quirk that I control! Ugh things were so much simpler with Dabi, I was happy. Now I have all these things to think about, I just wish none of it ever happened...'

You were so exhausted from the tournament and your emotions that you finally managed to sleep through the entire night. You dreamt of what life would be like if your parents were nice and didn't die at an early age. You dreamt that you were a hero and that the world wasn't corrupt and laced with hostility, greed and vengeance but... then you had to wake up and be unhappy again.