Steve's POV
"St-stop, ple-ease." I was sitting in the corner of the cell, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, trying my best not to bang my head on the wall next to me. The ringing in my ears was getting louder and louder by the second causing me so much pain. I can't stand this pain anymore, I just want it to end, I just want it to shut up. The door opened causing me to jump, "Steve? Everything ok?" I looked up to see Tony standing in the doorway. I tried my best to answer but I couldn't speak a single word. He knelt down in front of me and placed a hand on my leg, "Steve?" He sounded scared for me. "No. I am not ok." My voice sounded like I ate hay for three hours. I noticed a tear fall off his face, I wanted to hug him but it felt like my joints were locked up making it impossible for me to move. "Steve, everything will be ok, we will find a way to help you. Trust me." He pulled me into a hug, "Please believe me." I once again wanted to hug him back but I still couldn't move.
When he pulled away his eyes were red and puffy, "Ok, I have to get going. I need to see what Shuri is up to. Do you want me to stay or do you want me to bring in James to stay with you?" I started to scratch at my arm, "Anyone is ok, I just..." I scratched faster which made my arm more red, "I just..I don't want to be alone." He stood up, smiled at me before walking out. I looked down and saw how red and bloody my arm had gotten, it didn't hurt which was the weird part, anything at should hurt me just didn't, like my nerves just stopped working. "Hey. What did you do to your arm?" He rushed over to me and grabbed my arm to examine it.
I just stared blankly at him as he moved my arm around. "Steve please answer." A drip of water landed on my other arm. I moved it slightly to see what it was, turns out it was blood dripping off of my face. Ignoring it, I turned my attention back to James, "I was scratching out of nerves and fear, and I am guessing the blood dripping from my eyes is from the ringing in my head." He reached over and picked up the first aid kit, "Well at least you didn't keep going, any further and you would have gone through the last layer of your skin. Which would be scary since your dermis is the thickest layer." For the first time in a while I actually laughed.
He made jokes as he patched up my arm. After he was done he looked at my eyes, he had a confused look on his face as he tried to figure out what was going on, "Is the ringing still there?" I slowly nodded trying my best not to get blood on the floor, "Yea, and I am guessing that is why my eyes are bleeding. Or hydra did something to cause this." Trying to lighten the mood I smiled a bit. His phone buzzed, it was a message from Tony, "Hey, will you be ok alone for a second? I will be right outside the door." Tears stung the back of my eyes but I didn't want to keep him here forever, "Yea, sure." I forced a smile, "I'll be ok." Just like Tony did before he pulled me into a hug before walking out.
As soon as the door closed my head started to throb, like I was being hit in the head with a baseball bat. I whimpered in pain as the ringing got louder and the throbbing got worse. I scratched and pulled my hair to try to stop the pain, which didn't help. I couldn't hold back my scream anymore, I sort of fell forward as I screamed in pain. The door flung open as Tony and James ran in. "Steve!" They both knelt down next to me, placing their hands on my shoulders to calm me down. "Steve it is ok. It is going to be ok." They sounded like they were underwater, a pain to hear and muffled. I wanted to tell them to knock me out but I started to have a coughing fit. "James get a towel, now!" I was confused for a second until I felt blood drip from the corner of my mouth.
Tony wiped away the blood before it dripped onto my leg, "Everything will be fine Steve." James returned with the towel and dropped it into Tony's lap, "Here, would this work?" He picked it up and started to clean his hand and then my arm and leg, "Thanks. Are you done now or do you feel like coughing again?" I shook my head, thankfully the pain slowed so it wasn't as bad as before. T'Challa walked in with a table in his hand, "Can I talk to you two outside for a quick second?" I could see they were both really hesitant to leave me alone but they had no choice but to talk to him, before they left they smiled at me, "Just a second ok, we will be back really quick." Returning the smile, I crossed my legs and stared at the floor.
"I can't deal with this anymore, I have to tell them just to end me. There is no fixing me..." I started to remember the good times I have had with everyone. The first battle we all fought together in 2012, we hated one another but in the end we all became great friends. In 2015 we fought Ultron, yes we were all a little mad at Tony but we put that aside to protect the world. 2016 wasn't our proudest moment, we had our differences, we destroyed a German airport in our fight, we nearly killed one another, and we broke almost all ties to everyone. Thankfully we came together again when I was taken and broken, it is not the ideal situation to come back together but at least no one is at each other's throat. I never wanted this to happen to me but I am glad it did since that means it didn't happen to anyone else. I started to trace circles on my arm as I continued to walk through my memories, tears also started to stream down my face. They were clear before but after six tears fell they turned red.
The door opened once again, snapping me out of my memories. "Hey, why are you crying?" Tony placed his hand on my forehead, "You don't seem to be in pain, what is wrong?" His expression was concerning to me, his eyes were puffy even before he knelt down and he had tears already falling down his face. "Nothing..." I glanced up to see James had the same expression on his face, "What happened to you two?" They shared a look then looked over to T'Challa who didn't move away from the doorway. "Guys?" My voice cracked out of fear, what happened and what did they talk about? Tony just sighed before looking back at me, "Well, remember when you said that you wanted the pain to end?" My eyes widened. I slowly nodded my head afraid of speaking. Tony clenched his fist, "Well you were right about not being able to be fixed. So you have three choices..."
He trailed off and took a quick glance around the room before getting up and whispering something to James and walking out. He scratched his arm as he looked down at me, "Like Tony was trying to say was, you have three choices, either sit in a room and endure the pain you are going through now and pray that you will get better..." He knelt down and looked at me with his tear filled eyes, "Or..." He whipped the falling tears before sitting down fully, "We can put you under and study you to see what we can do or the last option is..." I knew exactly what the last option was and before he could even say another word I placed my hand on his leg. He started to fully cry now so his voice was getting shaky. I smiled up at him and encouraged him to continue. "The last option is that we put you down so you don't ever have to go through this again..."
I could tell that he didn't want me to pick the last option, no one wanted me to pick the last option. I can't stand to see them this hurt but I can't stand being in pain either. Along with all of that I don't want them to spend so much resources on me just to fail after many years. "How about you take a while to think about what you want to do. Whatever you pick will be fine by us." He forced a smile at the end of his sentence, I could tell that he didn't want to leave me nor did he want to wait to hear my answer. I leaned back and stretched my legs, I was sitting for too long but I was in too much pain to even stand, "I'll think about it and I think I'll be alone being alone for a while as I think. When I am done I'll call for you." He took both of my hands, "Alright. And if you ever need us you can call, don't be afraid to do so." He forced a smile before he stood up. Before he walked out the door he turned around to face me one last time, I smiled back at him as he closed the door.
My thoughts once again took over the silence. I was leaning towards the last choice but I don't know exactly which one would be better for the team, each and every one of them are awful. The first choice will have me in pain and the others feeling bad that I have to suffer everyday. The second one I don't suffer but I have to stay in Wakanda, so Shuri and T'Challa can help me, causing the others to come all the way over here just to see me. But the very last one will end my pain and suffering forever but will hurt the others in ways I hate to see them hurt.
But who knows...
Maybe there will be a happy ending...
YOU ARE READING
Split Personality
Non-FictionAfter the events of Civil War, Steve, Natasha and Sam were forced into hiding. After a tragic event he is fighting to gain control of his body once again. No one knows if he will win or lose, the only thing the Avengers can do, is hope that he will...