You Exist (Catastrophe Series #1)

Chapter 30

Today is christmas day, and it is also the day that Thaddeus will propose to me.

Malamig ang simoy ng hangin, at malamig ang paligid ngunit hindi ang love life ko.

I still can't believe that this is happening, parang kailan lang ay nalulunod ako sa mga problema. Hindi ko inaakala na may mag mamahal sa akin kagaya ng pagmamahal ni papa kay mama ngayon.

He manage to save me from drowning. He helped me to get over all of the shits that I've been through.

My fingers traced the buttons of the white dress that I'm wearing. A line style, medyo hapit ang sa bewang at medyo palobo naman ang sa baba. Hanggang tuhod ito, and it's long sleeve. May munting mali-liit na butas ito sa may taas ng aking dibdib, at may belt sa aking bewang. I'm wearing black stilleto. I hate to admit it, but I look like an angel right now, idagdag pa ang buhok kong naka fishtail, and lazily hanging on my right shoulder.

While staring at my face, my mother entered my room and looked at me adorably.

"If Ramon is here, I'm sure, he will be happy." Titig na titig sa akin si mama at inikot ako upang suyurin ng tingin.

"You look beautiful." She held my face with her two hands. I saw a genuine smile came from her face.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay nyang nasa mukha ko at ihinaplos iyon sa aking pisngi.

"Stop it Ma, papa won't like it if you're gonna cry." At pinahid ko ang luha na nasa kanyang pisngi

Tumango ito huminga ng malalim, saglit na lumabas ito sa aking silid, at pagpasok nya ay may dala syang kahon.

Binuksan nya ito, at inilabas ang isang anklet, it has white rhinestone at the middle. Chain style ito at simple lamang ang disenyo.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" She asked me. Naka-patong ang anklet sa kanyang kamay at naka lahad nitong ipinakita sa akin.

Still fascinated by the anklet that she showed me but I manage to nod my head.

"Your lolo gave it to me, when your father asked his permission to propose to me." Her voice broke at the end of her sentence. She hasn't healed fully pero masaya ako na ngayon, kasama nya na ako sa pag laban nya.

"Gamitin mo ito habang naglalakad papunta sa destinasyon mo, Rally." Ginaya nito ang boses ni Lolo at natawa.

Sadly, I didn't have the chance to meet my grandfather and grandmother. My mom was 8 months pregnant in me that time, inatake sa puso si lola at binawian ng buhay, hindi nakayanan ni lolo ang sakit kaya nag pakamatay ito, sa pamamagitan ng pag inom ng natirang gamot ni lola.

He was overdosed by the pain not by the medicine.

"T-This anklet was with me all the time." Pumiyok ang kanyang boses, habang tinitignan ang anklet na akala mo'y nakikita nya doon sila lolo't lola.

"But I failed them, Z." She shooked her head.

I held her shoulders, and wiped the tears streaming at her face. She's crying while I kept on listening on her sentiments.

"Nakita siguro nila, kung gaano ako naging ka-iresponsableng ina sa'yo."

"No, Ma. You just lost your path, and I understand that. Ang mahalaga ay narito ka na uli ngayon." Niyakap ko sya at patuloy pa din ang pag hagulgol nya.

Ngayon nya inilalabas ang matagal nya nang kinikimkim na damdamin. It's like me, writing in my journal, writing every single words that I can't say to anyone.

She kneeled in front of me, at inihakbang palapit sa kanya ang aking kanang paa. She softly held my toes, at marahang isinuot ang anklet.

"Before papa killed himself, he made me us promise." Malalim itong bumuntong hininga.

That your father should put this on your toes, but he's not here, so I will do his responsibility." She joked, at tumayo na. Pinaharap nya ako sa salamin at hinaplos ang buhok ko sa likod.

"Go to your destination now."

I hurriedly put the keys on the ignition and started the car. Ginamit ko ang sasakyan ni mama dahil wala pa akong sasakyan.

I'm currently driving to the destination when Asthea called me.

"What?"

"Z, where are you na?" Mahaba at may tonong tanong nito at parang kinakabahan.

"Malapit na ako."

Narinig ko ang tawanan ng lima, at parang may narinig ako na tunog ng bass.

"He's nervous as hell right now." Bulong nito sa telepeno. No, you are. Gusto ko sanang isagot ngunit mas pinili ko nalang manahimik.

Natawa naman ako, at iniliko ang sasakyan. Patungo ako ngayon sa Batanes, kung saan ang destinasyon ng selebrasyon para sa Catastrophe, at ang lugar kung saan mag pro-prose si Thaddeus.

"Hey, Asthea, gonna talk to you later. Nasa may zigzag na ako, and I gotta focus, dahil baka ma-byudo agad si Thaddeus." Biro ko. Naririnig ko naman ang maarte nitong halakhak.

Judging from the height of the cliff, ay paniguradong lasog, lasog ang katawan ko pag nahulog dyan.

"Baliw, drive safely okay? Love you, Z!" Aniya at ibinaba ang telepono.

"Crazy." Bulong ko sa aking sarili.

Rileson wanted to fetch me but I declined his offer dahil gusto kong mag isa pumunta doon.

I hummed the song that was played on my playlist.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry.

Malapit na ang dapat na lilikuan ko, ngunit hindi ko makontrol ang sasakyan.

"What the fuck?" Kinakabahang usal ko. Hinampas ko ang manibela at pinindot ang kung ano-ano, but still no effect.

Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part.

"Damn." Tinanggal ko nag aking seatbelt, at binuksan ko ang pinto sa driver seat upang tumalon, ngunit naramdaman ko na ang pag hulog ko sa bangin.

I tightly closed my eyes and let myself feel the strong wind.

Bakit ganoon? Kung kailan may rason na akong mabuhay ay tsaka naman ako kukuhanin? Why are you so fucking good at playing this kind of game, God? Or whoever you are?

Happy memories keep on flashing into my mind. So this the end, huh?

"You Exist, Thaddeus." I said it for the first and last time as if he will hear me.

No one ever said it would be this hard,

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was supposed to be there, accepting Thaddeus love and promise for eternity for me.

I was supposed to be wearing the ring on my ring finger in my left hand.

I promised not to hurt him, maybe in the other life, I will have the chance to do my supposed to be's with him.

But, I kept my promise. I love him until my last breath.