You Exist (Catastrophe Series #1)

Chapter 33

I tightly hugged her picture in my chest, thinking that it was her that I'm actually hugging.

I don't wana cry, because crying confirms that she's not around anymore, and I don't want to believe that.

"Maaring ang kanyang pisikal na katawan ay wala na dito sa mundong ibabaw, ngunit ang mga alala-ala, at pag mamahal na ibinigay nya ay mananatili habang-buhay." The priest says. No words can make me feel better.

The thought of losing someone you love hurts, but when it actually happen in real life, hurting is just an understatement.

Nilingon ko ang nasa-kaliwa ko, ang mama ni Graziel. "Ni-hindi pa ako naka-bawi sa kanya sa nga nagawa at pag kukulang ko." She sobbed.

Seeing her eyes filled with tears made me think of Graziel. They had the same amber eyes. It feels like I'm looking at Graziel's eyes.

"She forgive you for that, tita." I said. Alam ko na wala aking karapatan na sabihin ito, ngunit pakiramdan ko ay tama ito. Graziel never hated her mother. Mas galit pa nga sya sa sarili nya kesa sa mga nagawa at pag kukulang ng mama nya.

She held my hand and caress it. "Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang mangyayari, sana ay ipinakasal ko na ka-agad kayo." Pag bibiro nya. I gently smiled.

Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ng lima, si Asthea, Finn, Kent, Yxel at Rileson. We're all wearing black clothes.

"Nako, tita. 'Wag kang ganyan baka bumangon si Graziel." Finn joked. Kumamot ito sa kanyang batok ng maramdaman ang nakaka-intimidate na tingin ni Tita Esmeralda.

"Now I wanna say it more." She said. Napa-tulala ito sa kabaong ng kanyang anak na maingat na ibinababa sa kanyang libingan.

Naunang lumapit si Rileson sa hukay kung nasaan ang kabaing ni Graziel at inilaglag ang hawak na puting rosas.

"In another life, I want you to be my daughter." He smiled bitterly, namumula nag mga mata nito at pinipigilan ang pag tulo ng luha. Tinapik ni Kent ang kanyang braso.

Huminga muna ng malalim si Yxel bago lumapit sa hukay.

We never got the chance to see inside the coffin, dahil hindi na daw kayang i-recognize ang bangkay, and Graziel's mother refused to cremate her.

Pinulot nito ang isang puting rosas at inihagis ito pababa, "T-Thanks for being my friend, you made me realize the importance of dreams and the essence of friendship. You will never be f-forgotten."

Yxel covered his face by his arms, at doon lumuluha. Kami-kami lang ang nandito sa kanyang huling hantungan dahil wala na daw silang ibang kamag anak bukod kela Rileson. Rileson's family was on our back watching us.

Niluwagan ko ang tie na nasa leeg ko dahil hindi ako maka-hinga ng maayos. See that, Graziel? We love you so much that it hurts seeing you leave without a proper goodbye.

It was Kent's turn when he stopped in front of her coffin and tossed the flower.

"Help your man to cope up with the loss that he is experiencing, and your mother too. Thanks for being our hope, until your sunrise commence again." He said softly, gone with the cold voicr that he is using every day. Malamlam din ang mata nito, he looked stress.

I felt Asthea's hand on my arm. "Can you do it, kuya?" She softly asked when Finn stood uo and walk into Graziel's grave.

I nodded at her. I felt her grip on my arm tightened. Bumuntong hininga ako at sinagot sya.

"It's for Graziel, kaya kakayanin ko." I said, convincing myself, not Asthea.

Simula noong inilagay sya sa kabong ay hindi ko ito nilalapitan, ngunit ngayong kailangang alayan sya ng bulaklak ay pinagpapawisan ako ng malamig.

Sinuklay ko ang buhok ko pataas upang kumalma kahit papaano.

"Thank for being there with our journey. You're the sister I never had." Pasimpleng pinunasan ni Finn ang kanyang mata gamit ang kwelyo ng kanyang damit.

"You go first." Bulong ni Asthea. Sinunod ko sya, lumakad ako sa kanyang hukay habang yakap-yakap pa din ang picture nya.

Kinuha ko sa aking bulsa ang singsing na dapat ay isususot ko sa kayang daliri.

"I can't give this to you now, because I want to give it to you in next life." Despite of my shaking voice, I manage to say what's on my heart.

"Sa susunod nating pagkikita.." Huminga muna ako ng malalim at tinuloy ang sasabihin. Tears pooled into my eyes. Agad ko itong pinahid dahik ayaw kong mag mukhang mahina sa harap nya.

"I-I hope that you still want me to be your serendipity." I can't compose any words that I wanna say to her.

"Rest easy, Graziel. Wait for me there."

"Hey, Thaddeus! Wake up!" A soft voice interrupt me from my dream.

I groaned at itinago ang mukha sa unan.

"You're gonna be late for your concert!" She exclaimed. Halos dambahin na ako nito para lang tumayo na.

"Damn that concert!" Mabilis akong bumangon at hinatak sya patungo sa aking kama at inilagay sya sa ilalim ko.

"T-Thaddeus." She stammered. I noticed her cheeks blushed. I looked into her eyes as if it's her soul that I'm looking.

It's not her.

Natauhan ako at umalis sa ibabaw nya. Ginulo ko ang buhok sa inis. Damn it, it's been six years and I'm still stucked.

Nilingon ko sya at nakita ko ang pag tingin nito sa aking katawan. I don't usually wear shirts and just wore a boxer pag natutulog ako.

"U-Uh, mag bihis ka nga!" Iritado nitong ibinato sa akin ang shirt na nasa sofa. Her doe black eyes, narrowed nose, red thin lips and curly hair, suits her.

"Your concerts is just three hours from now, fix yourself!" Bulyaw nito sa akin. My forehead ceased because of her anger towards me. Why is she always mad at me? Wala nga akong ginagawa sa kanya!

Inirapan ko ito at humakbang palapit sa kanya. Nakita ko ang paglunok nito at ang pag-iwas ng tingin, she walked backwards upang mapalayo sa akin.

Hmm, you can't escape me.

"W-what?" She stammered. Her face is red as a tomato. Napa-hinto sya sa pag hakbang patalikod nang maramdaman nya na pader na ang nasa likod nya.

Inilagay ko ang aking kamay sa gilid ng kanyang ulo, locking her in my arms.

"Why are you so mad at me, hmm?" I softy ask. I touched her cheeks. I felt her hand on my chest pushing me away from her.

"T-thaddeus, layo na. Isa." Pag babanta nya. As if I'm scared, ni lamok ay hindi nya kayang saktan, ako pa kaya?

"You know that you can't push me away from you, Celestine." I softly said, and kissed her hair.