Keep it Secret

I can't do this...

Sitting on the couch for the third day, Zee hasn't called or message, same for Perth and even Mai. Huffing like a little child locked in their room for punishment. 

I was being punished, I knew this would happen and I still put my heart through it. 

"I just wanted something fun... why does it have to come to this?" I sniffled pacing around the room, peeking out the windows to the reporters. 

"Of course they won't come again with the tabloids being sitting ducks outside my house." 

For the past week, I've been boiling my brain watching both our shows together, crying, even more, when the first episode of the new season started. 

Staring at the doctor's notes and remembering his words of caution 

"If you choose now the pain will be temporary..."

That was easier said than done in this situation.

"What needs to be done will be done..." I sigh deeply walking into the kitchen, I subconsciously find myself wishing for them to walk through the door.

"Hello, Mai, I'm on my way in," I spoke just above a whisper.

Sneaking by the reporters was easy, but now to only hope, no one sees me walking into the doctor's office.

"Hello, sit on the table." Taking a deep breath.

Laying there staring at the ceiling waiting, listening to the clock on the wall tick tick tick.

"Why so gloom today?" Doctor asked but smiled softly.

I didn't have to speak for him to catch how nervous I was. It's one thing to have these appointments when I'm not sexually active, but now that im been doing things and a few un-protected things too.

"So, you've been hospitalized recently with pneumonia, how are you feeling lately?"

"Still weak, but slowly regaining strength, Ummm... The Doctor took blood and urine twice was there something wrong?" He saw the sweat pouring off my face, I'm currently sitting in my doctor's office terrified of whatever news he gives me.

"Well, Saint, this isn't something easy to discuss with any of my patients." He looked through his folder again reading off my medicine and all the dos and don'ts.

"Now the main reason I asked you to come in is... You have a partner correct?" Nodding to answer, scratching the insides of my hands.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" I whimpered watching him rub his head.

"Well, I ran the test five times, and in this case, I'd highly advise you to terminate the pregnancy."

Tears welling up as I tried to speak, "Why can't I keep it?"

"With the exposer of your relationship and now this, Saint your career will never recover... How do you think bringing a baby into the world would be?" Sadly his words were true, but I couldn't do something like that.

"Have you talked to the father?"

"Better question which one is that father?"

I dropped my head low gasping as the words left my lips.

"Perth!"

"Do you think he'll sign for you to have the operation?"

Shaking my head violently

"I...I... Don't want them to know, please..." He hugged me trying to soothe my breaking heart. As if I didn't feel alone now I felt awful.

After a good fifteen minutes of crying, we talked again about other options and what would be best for me.