Keep it Secret

Stop thinking

Four months later...

I'm at the point where I'm drowning myself in work just so I don't have to think about everything going wrong. I stopped having those dreams after that night, but my heart still yearned for him. 

"It's better this way," I sighed deeply looking into the mirror just as everyone left the room, giving me a minute to myself. 

"Are you sure about that?" Zee said leaning on the door frame with a sympathetic look in his eyes. 

I told him everything between the dreams, my secret, and how badly I wanted to see Perth again. 

"Not now P'Zee I'm tired," 

"Yeah, everyone can see that, the bags under eyes fans have even noticed." 

"Stop worrying about everyone else and focus on you," he stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders, I just stared at him in the mirror. 

His advice always seemed so wholesome and sweet. All the time I've known him, he's had my back even though the tough calls. 

"Let's go, last show, and then you are taking at least a week off." nodding in agreement, not that I'll actually listen to him. 

Faking my smiles as we walked on stage, the heat from the lights stung my eyes, Zee held my hand as I tripped over air. I felt so off-balance today, even tripping over my words, that's never happened before. 

"Ok, Saint, what is one thing that you wish you could change?" the host asked and all eyes turned on me, it's never bothered me, I'm a people person, but maybe Zee was right I was burned out. 

"I...I..." dizziness hit hard as I tried pushing myself to finish the sentence failing as I fell backward. 

Hearing gasps and oh no's, but my body couldn't move. Seeing Zee who caught me, smiling as I fell asleep to his cologne. 

Zee:

Standing outside the hospital room, nervously biting my fingers. Saint collapsed on stage, I've been keeping a close eye on him since he came back from the trip. Mia and I already knew where he was going, it did sting a knowing he loved someone else but I respected his decision. He's been different since the rumors resurfaced, he's been burning himself out working,  a few times I walked into our dressing room hearing him cry in the bathroom. He's become the master of hiding his sadness. 

Tommy and Jimmy also noticed saying he's pale and sickly looking, I didn't notice I'm guessing because I see him every day. 

"Sir," rushing over to the doctor stand outside Saint's room, 

"How is he?"

"I'm going to lie, he's in rough shape, dehydrated, malnourished, I can go on, but you get the idea." he shook his head,

"How can we help him?"

"He needs to want to help himself first, unfortunately in these cases most patients just let themselves go."

"I won't let him" I snapped, it was pissing me off that Perth would actually let him get this way. 

Saint never told Perth that he loved him, but it's so clear that Perth doesn't love him enough. 

Sitting in the chair next to Saint, shanking my head as Mia came into the room. 

"Why didn't we see him becoming this depressed?"

"What about Perth isn't he supposed to be by his side, it's partly his fault too."

"They're situation is delicate."