It Takes Two (Katy Perry)

Part 17

A/N: Emotional chapter omg why do I keep torturing Katy like this?!!! I'm sorry :( but I hope you like it, and I would really love some votes and comments please!!! Let me know that you are actually liking this story (or not...)!

"Oh my god, Katy, you're awake!" cried Shannon, tears of relief rolling down her cheeks.

Katy had a confused look on her pale face. "Where am I?" she asked, reaching for Shannon's hand in a show of comfort.

"Sweetie, you're in the hospital..." Shannon trailed off, unsure how much to tell Katy while she was still waking up and in a disorientated daze.

"Oh..." Katy's hand dropped automatically to her stomach, and her eyes widened in horror as she moved her gaze to make eye contact with Shannon.

Shannon nodded minutely. "I'm so sorry, Katy," she sobbed.

"My baby?" Katy whispered brokenly.

"She's gone, sweetie," Shannon replied, squeezing Katy's hand.

Katy let out a strangled sob. "She?"

"The doctors told me it was a girl, Kate. But she passed away while she was still inside you. I'm so sorry baby." Shannon watched helplessly as Katy half smiled for a moment before she burst into hysterical, body shaking tears.

"M-my E-ellaaaa!" sobbed Katy, and Shannon was hard-pressed to understand what Katy said.

"Ella?" she asked quietly.

Katy nodded, breathing deeply to try and stop her tears. "If it was a girl, I had a name picked out right from the start. Ella Grace Elizabeth Hudson."

Then Shannon was the one trying to hold back tears. "That's so beautiful, Katy," she said softly, leaning over to kiss Katy on the forehead. "I bet it would have suited her perfectly."

Katy was quiet for a minute, processing everything she had discovered in the last few minutes. "I want to have a memorial for her," she announced, her voice strong although her lip trembled slightly and unshed tears glistened in her eyes. "She isn't just going to be forgotten about. I'm going to make sure everyone knows her name, and when I feel the time is right, I'm going to tell the whole world about my daughter too."

Shannon hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea, sweetie? You'll get some backlash from the media, not everyone is going to be as supportive as all your KatyCats will be you know..."

"I know," Katy nodded. "But I'm not ashamed of my little girl. I'm not going to hide her existence, even if she isn't here anymore. In another life, she would have been born and would have grown up with the world knowing her name and loving her as much as they love me. Maybe she won't be able to grow up anymore, but she existed, and I'm going to let everyone know that my baby girl will not be forgotten."

"You are so fucking strong," replied Shannon, feeling emotional listening to her best friend's monologue. "I am so proud of you, Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson. And I know if Ella was here to grow up, she would be eternally proud of you and so grateful to have you as her amazing mom."

"I love you Shan," Katy whispered, wiping away tears again. "I know you think I'm being so strong right now, but in all honesty, trying to be strong on the outside is the only way I'm getting through this."

Shannon sat on the edge of the bed, putting her arm around Katy's frail shoulders as Katy started to cry in earnest. "You don't have to be strong all the time, sweetheart," she reassured. "Around me, you can let your guard down. I'm not going to let anything hurt you while you're vulnerable, you can cry it out and I'll be here until you stop. And if you want to talk, I'll listen until you don't have anything more to say."

"I- I just don't know how to feel right now," sobbed Katy. "I feel like I've been ripped in two, like there's a part of my heart that will never be able to be replaced, not even by another child in the future. How can it hurt this much, to lose the baby that I never even met, that I only knew existed for like six weeks?!"

Shannon knew this was a rhetorical question and stayed silent, rubbing Katy's back and stroking her hair as she continued.

"I just loved her so much already, how is it fucking possible that I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life, and I didn't even know her, and she's gone before I even got a chance to hold her and look into her eyes and tell her I loved her!" Katy didn't even bother to wipe away the tears that were rapidly rolling down her face, staining Shannon's top as she buried her face into her best friend's shoulder. "I'm going to miss everything! Jesus Christ, she's going to miss everything! She'll never get to grow up and experience life, and be a little girl, and I'll never hear her adorable high little voice singing along to my songs when they come on the radio in the car. And she'll never get to fall in love or have her first kiss or get married or give me my first grandchildren!"

Shannon was unable to hold back her own tears as Katy ranted, thinking about all the things that would never happen in her daughter's life.

"Remember your faith, Katy," she whispered. "She's gone to a special place, and she'll grow up there with so many other kids her age. I bet she'll do all of that, and make amazing friends and have such a good time, and the whole time, she'll be wishing she had her mom with her to guide her through her life."

Katy raised her head slightly to look at Shannon. "But she won't be here, with me!"

"No sweetie, she won't be here with you physically," Shannon replied. "But you know you'll never forget her, and while you still remember her, she will be imprinted in your heart until the day you die and get to see her again. She's always going to be with you spiritually, sweetheart. You just have to believe that she is there, watching over you and being your little angel."