My Rockstar

The Funeral

"C'mon, you gotta get up." I wake up to Bryce tapping me. "Everyones dressed and ready. We have 20 minutes. Let's go." He says leaving the room. I get up and get the dress and hop in the shower really quickly. I get out and put on the dress and light natural makeup. I blow dry my hair and straighten it. I go downstairs to see everyone in suits and a dress. "Hi," Mads says walking up to me and hugging me. I look around at everyone. Josh, Anthony, Taylor, Bryce, and Mads. I look at Mads, "Wait wheres Jaden?" She smiles, "He'll be back. He went to get something. When he gets back were getting in the car and going." I nod and sit next to josh and put my head on his shoulder. "You okay?" I nod, "Could be better." We hear a honk and we all stand up. We walk up to the car and I go to sit in the back with Bryce. "Y/n, babe. Front seat." Mads says opening the door for me. I smile, "Thank you." I sit down and smile at Jaden. "Hi," He smiles and I smile back. "Hi." He puts his hand on my thigh and we start driving. 

"Hey," I say to the person carrying the coffin as I leave my group of friends. "Who's related to the body?" My body just shivers at what he said. He worded it so weird. "Oh, uhm, that'd be me. And my brother... over there." I point to the crowd. "Okay, here's the deal. M0e and my buddy will place the coffin on the table in our truck and you guys can choose to open it or not and you can pay respects no matter the choice you make. When your ready, we'll be in our car to lower the coffin into the grave." I nod, "Right." I walk over to the group of friends. I don't know why I expected them to be nicer about that. They kind of just sprung that on me like it was nothing, but that's my father in the coffin. I guess he's used to it though so I can't blame them. "You okay?" Jaden asks as he pulls me into a tight hug. "Yeah, I mean... no, but better then I should be doing. I feel like shit for not being extremely upset." He pulls away from the hug but still has his hands around my waist, "Do not beat yourself up for not being upset. The thing you remember most of your father was his alcoholic side. The great side of him was a long time ago and you were little. You don't remember them memories as vividly because you remember him as an alcoholic. Do not beat yourself up for that. You cannot control that, baby." I smile and he kisses my forehead. He takes my hand and we all walk over to the coffin the men set up. "Do you want it open?" I look at Bryce then immediately down at me and Jadens hands. "Open it, please." Tears flow down my cheek and I take a deep breath as Bryce gives the command. I look up to see my Dad. I start sobbing and Jaden holds me tight from behind. "It's okay, breathe." I listen to him and take deep breaths. "Can I?" I hear Josh say and Jaden lets go of me and I am in Josh's arms next thing I know. "I knew it would hit you hard if you saw him." I nod and sniffle and back away from him. He wipes my ruinning mascara and I laugh. "I don't know why I wore mascara to my dads funeral." He smiles. "Hey..." I turn around and see Taylor. "Hi." I smile. "I know i've seen you once like... 5 years ago but I have been told not to say I am sorry so uhm... you can get through this. And you have so so so many people around you to help you. I believe in you." He smiles and nods. "Thank you so much." I say and pull him into a quick hug. "You okay babe?" I look and see Mads. I look back at Taylor and he nods so I walk closer to Mads and she pulls me into a tight hug, "You're so strong, angel." I smile and a tear runs down my cheek again. "Ugh, gosh." I pull away and wipe the tears and she shrugs, "Don't hide feelings. It's a funeral. Go talk to Ant, he keeps going to go up to you but someone else goes up to you quicker. You know him, he won't come up and ask to speak to you next." I laugh and nod and walk towards Anthony. "Hi, Anthony." He smiles, "Was I last?" I shake my head, "Suprisingly, no. Bryce is." He nods. "Everyone probably said what I was going to say." I shrug. "It's okay, you don't need to say anything. No one needed to say anything, it's just their presence here and knowing I have them to go to." He smiles and hugs me. "Do you think Bryce is avoiding you?" I nod and look over to see Bryce sitting about 20 feet away under a tree. "Yeah, I do." He frowns, "He probably needs you right now." I smile and nod, "Yeah, I guess I should go to him." I walk over to Bryce and sit next to him. It's silent for a little bit. "I'm such an idiot for opening the casket. I just was thinking about myself. I haven't seen him in a long time and I just needed to see him one last time. But you probably didn't want to see him again. You didn't break until you saw him, it's all my fault." I shake my head, "Bryce... no, I am not mad at you. I'm glad you did. You're right, you needed to see him one last time. So did I. As much as I don't want to admit it, I did. Last time I told him I basically told him I didn't care if anything happened to him and next time I see him I am looking at him in a casket. I needed to let everything out." He looks at me and smiles, shaking his head and pushes me gently. "Stop making the good out everything, I can be wrong for once." I smile and lean my head on his shoulder. 

"Party tomorrow" Jaden says walking in my room as I put on one of his shirts. "Where?" I lay down on his bed. "Hype house." I nod and he takes his shirt off and changes into grey sweatpants. "Okay" I say exhaling as he wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his chest. "I'm proud of you today, you know." I smile as he moves his thumb up and down my arm. "Do you know the main reason I broke down when I saw him?" He shakes his head. "When he kicked me out, I asked where I was going to go and he said 'not my problem.' As I was leaving, he tried to stop me and asked what happens if something happens to him. Me being the annoying, petty, person I am... I mocked him and told him 'not my problem.' My last conversation with my father was that I basically didn't care what happened to him." He shakes his head, "not true. You know you didn't mean it. In the moment, it probably felt right but you know you cared what happened to him." I sigh, "I know, you're right. But I could've said I loved him or thanked him for everything." Jaden nods, "Yeah, you could've. But you didn't because you didn't know it would be the last time you'd see him." I nod and take a deep breath. "Goodnight, Jaden" He kisses the top of my head, "Good night, Y/n" I smile and drift off to sleep.