Live Through the Pain - Kagehina Angst

Chapter fourteen - Talk

Hinata POV

No...what am I thinking?!
I should just die?
No....
Kill myself?....
Maybe....

No.
Stop.
Stop thinking about this.

You have to stop thinking about this.
You have to.

Get up. I need to get up. But I'm tired....really tired. I slept so well last night! Although...it was scary....at any moment...I could have started dreaming...at any moment...I could have been at the mercy of my own mind....dammit.....

I need to get up. I don't care how stiff and soar my muscles are. I don't care how weak my bones are. I'm going to get up. And I'm going to smile. They can't know. I can't let them know anything. I've burdened them enough as it is.

So I'll smile. I have to smile.

Taking a deap breath, I managed to hoist myself out of the warmth and comfort of my bed, and cried out as a spike of pain struck me in the ribs.

I made my way downstairs.
I sighed as I looked at the clock.
Ten o' clock already....maybe I should just ditch....No...I don't want to get chewed out my Daichi...and Coach...and Takeda...Yeah ditching is definitly not an option. Kageyama got chewed out so hard last time...I got off easy though...still. No ditching. Besides, if I ditch, then they might get worried...aw who am I kidding, no they won't. I doubt they'll even care...

I sighed. and raked my fingers through my bright orange curls.
I should take a shower. Yeah, that'll energize me right? And not to mention I really need one...I'll make it to school by lunch break. Yeah that should be fine.

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The shower did not help in the slightest. The only think it did was leave me shivering as I biked up the mountain, my teeth chattering uncontrollably. I seemed to sneeze practically every five minuts which did not help my migrain at all. On top of that, I was still tired, so honestly not a great morning for me. When was the last time I had a great morning anyway? Oh yeah, more then a week ago, when Kageyama had stayed overnight. Oh well...

Internally sighing, I picked up my bag and headed outside, too exhausted for breakfast. Steeling myself to begin the tedious trip to school, I began biking towards the mountain.

After an extremely draining journey, I stood outside Karasuno.
Okay I made it. Now comes the really hard part. Smile.

With an enormous effort, I managed to bring a casual grin to my face.
Reluctently, I walked into class.

The school day sauntered by in incredibly long, painful hours.
I smiled. I kept smiling. I couldn't let them know. They couldn't find out. They couldn't. It was exhausting. On several occasions, I wanted nothing more then to just collapse and sob my eyes out. My chest hurt. It just so bad... It was like there was a dam inside me, holding back every tear that swelled inside me. I desperately wanted to cry, just let out all my emotions. But I couldn't. It felt like I was going insane.
Still. I kept smiling. As long as my facade stayed in place, as long as my mask didn't crack or slip, no one would be the wiser.

Practice was hell. I couldn't bring myself to jump high enough. Couldn't bring myself to take the extra step, letting the ball hit the floor in front of me. I couldn't bring myself to push my legs fast enough. It was too painful. Too painful for me to bear.
Kageyama yelled at me.
Nothing too terrible, just the usual.
Still, while his words didn't bother me all too much, his voice was loud and piercing, attacking my throbbing eardrums.
All in all, it had been a painful exhausting day.