Live Through the Pain - Kagehina Angst

Chapter fifteen - Car

Hinata POV

I was acting. All the time. Around Natsu, around my dad, around Kageyama and around the team.
I had a permanent mask now, that I was never planning on taking off.
They wouldn't know.
They wouldn't know my pain.
They wouldn't know how much I wanted to scream until my throat ripped.
They wouldn't know how much I wanted to sob until I had no tears left to cry.
They wouldn't know how much I wanted to collapse.
They wouldn't know...

....how much I was dying inside.

It had been two weeks since I started taking antidepressants.
Two weeks of harboring an indistructable facade.
Two weeks of torture.

No one knew.
And no one would ever know.

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Kageyama POV

Practice was great. For me and Hinata atleast. In a matter of a days, Hinata had improved so much it was scary. He had gone from screwing up receives, flubbing serves, and bombing spikes, to flawless spikes, over-the-net serves and acceptable receives. Which was honestly amazing for him.
But at the same time, I was worried.
Worried that he was pushing himself too hard. I was scared he would pass out again, or have another panic attack. I was worried that something terrible would happen, and that he would get hurt again. I felt like he was pushing himself too hard. After practice, he would be panting and gasping for air, as if the oxygen was being drained from his lungs. He would look just about ready to pass out.
But I brushed it aside. He was okay, just trying to catch up.
He was fine...right?

No. He was fine.

We were walking towards his stop, the gentle night breeze engulfing us in a fresh whirl. The night was cloudy, so no stars were visible, but the air smelled clean and sweet. All in all, I was content, with my adorable boyfriend walking next to me, holding my hand.

I had found that the barrier of pride I had built, preventing me from physical affection and sappy words, had melted away somewhat.
Now I was able to succesfully hold his hand, hug him, cuddle him, and kiss him without slipping into a frenzy of embarresment
I loved him. I loved him so much.
Honestly I was scared about what was going to happen after highschool, I didn't want to be taken away from him. But that was a worry for a different time.

He seemes happy. And that made me happy. Whatever demons that had dwelled insid him had been defeated.
Right?

Except...there was just one problem.
It felt fake.
His happiness falt fake.
No matter how much I wanted to beleive he was fine, part of me couldn't be fooled into beleiving that.
I felt like he was compeletly hiding his emotions. Like he was holding back something he desperatly wanted to say. Something he wanted to do.

I had held back from asking him about it, because I was terrified that the small part of my brain that beleived he was lying would be correct
I was terrified that he had been lying.
Terrified that he had been suffering in secret.
Terrified that he was actually in pain.
Terrified that I hadn't noticed.
Terrified that I was right.

I wanted to beleive he was happy.
I wanted to beleive it, so I did.

As we reached the fork in the road where we were to part ways, I squeezed his hand gently. I felt him do the same, bringing a soft smile to my face.

"See you tomorrow okay?" Hinata said, giving me his signiture sunshine smile.
"Yup! do you want me to come to your house? Maybe we can grab ice cream."
"That sounds great! What better way to spend my saterday then with my boyfriend!"
I smiled in response.
"Seeya!"

He let go of my hand.

He walked one step.

And then I grabbed it again.
He looked back at me questioningly.
"Kageyama?" He said, curious.

I sighed before meeting his gaze.

"Hey are you....are you okay?"
I did it. I asked him.

He looked surprised before exclaiming
"Of course I am Bakayama! Why wouldn't I be?"
His smile was pure and honest. I was sure of it. It lit up his face just as it always had.
He looked happy. He looked adorable.

He was happy, so I was happy.

Any doubt I had felt before melted away with that glowing smile.
Releif flooded my mind.
He was fine.
I beamed.
"No reason. Just checking."

He was okay. I was okay. We were okay.
And that was all that mattered.

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Hinata POV

That was close. I thought as I biked down the road.
But he bought it.

Over the past weeks, I had gotten extremely well at hiding my emotions.
No one suspected a thing. Just as it should be.

I sighed, my limbes begging to relax and give way to the weight of exhaustion resting on my shoulders.

My head pounded viciously against my skull. It was a familiar feeling, obviously, but it was something I could never seem to get used to.

As exhaustion tugged at my eyelids, which were steadily getting heavier, a wave of fatigue washed ovr me. My head vilently throbbed and my thoughts becam confused and muddled. Panic rose inside me as my vision swayed dangerously. Another wave crashed into me, with more force this time, like a car.
It hurts so much....Its like its crashing into me...like a car...
like a car..
A car?
Why a car?...

Hey didn't Natsu get hit by car??
That was my fault right??...
Yeah...it was...

A car...
That's strange...
There isn't a car anywhere....

Wait...oh I think I see one....
Yeah...
It's coming over here...
Hey..
Am I drifting to the right??
Yeah...I am...
I'm in the middle of the...of the road now...
When did I get here?...
Look theres a car...
Theres a car...
THERE'S A CAR.

The headlights bleared.
A honk resounded in the night.

It was right there.

A scream of terror tore from my throat  as my bike veered to the left.

There was a bang.

Blood, dark viscous liquid.
My head had collided with a metal post.

It was dripping down my face and past my chin.

I couldn't move.

I sighed in releif.
Finally...I can relax.

As releif and pain surged through my veins, a soft smile graced my lips before the darkness closed over my vision,
and I passed out cold.

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(A/N Yes I'm aware that wasn't nearly enough Kagehina for all you Kagehina shippers, (I don't think there can ever be enough Kagehina in the world anyway) so sorry about that. Next chapter will somewhat contain it but its not gonna be lovey dovey so yeah. Just warning you ahead of time. And I know I promised more Kagehina so I'm sorry I couldn't deliver! T_T Also sorry for the shortish chapter!)

1162 words (including A/N)