He Was Mine, I Was His

Lost

    My heart dropped as I stood outside the bathroom. My brain was moving too fast for my body to move. My immediate thought was that he was gone. Charlie was dead. I felt my eyes water. I couldn't hear much of what they were saying. All I got was "Charlie.... lost...." I saw Elizabeth step back.

    "What's going on," I asked. I felt like there was a boulder on my chest. I started to walk closer to Elizabeth.

    "Here's an envelope with more information. We have your number and we will call the second we have new information," one of the men said. Elizabeth took the envelope and closed the door. She looked at me with teary eyes.

    "Come sit down," she said, walking to the couch. I walked over and sat down. Too many bad things had happened on that couch. I was scared.

    "They said there was an explosion," Elizabeth explained. Even with just those words, my throat tightened. "Charlie was there. There's a lot of debris and they haven't found him yet. They want us to stay positive until given reason not to."

    "When did this happen?" I whispered. My throat was too tight to talk.

    "Yesterday."

    I tried to hold back the tears because Elizabeth was already letting them flow. I wasn't sure what to think or do. Elizabeth hugged me tightly which allowed the tears to fall.

    I couldn't lose him too. I just couldn't. I wouldn't be able to take it. It was hard to think he was alive. In times like that, your brain automatically thinks the worst. How long would we have to wait until they found him? How long could he survive until they did? There were too many questions that didn't have answers.

    "They'll call us as soon as they find him, okay?" Elizabeth assured as she let go of the hug.

    I looked at the phone. Both Elizabeth and I would be pacing by it a lot until we got that call. I got up, went into my room, and locked the door. For the first time in a long time, I sat down and prayed.

    I hadn't gone to church since my dad died. We had his funeral at the same place. I couldn't ever go back. Now? Everything was out of my control. The only thing I could do was pray.

    Elizabeth was in her room when I came out of mine. I knocked on the door and peeked my head in. She waved me in. I sat down next to her and laid my head in her lap.

    "Do you think he's okay?" I asked.

    "I don't know Marilyn. I'm hopeful. That's all we can do. Be hopeful. Try not to worry about it too much."

    "That's easier said than done."

    "I know it is. We just have to find things to take our mind off it. Like Christmas. That's Saturday. How about we spend it here. I'm sure Darry would love to not have to host the party for once. You can invite them and their buddies," she said.

    "That sounds nice. I'll talk to them about it."

    Then the phone rang. We both shot up. Elizabeth beat me to the phone and answered.

    "Hello?" She answered. "Yes, one second." She held the phone out to me and mouthed Soda's name.

    I grabbed the phone and she left. "Hey sweet."

    "Hey. Everyone is planning that big sled party tonight. I know I can't be doing much sledding but I will go with you if you want me to," Soda offered.

    I had forgotten about sledding. "I don't feel up to going Sodapop."

    "What's wrong love? You've been excited about this all week."

    "My brother. He's missing. There was an explosion at his base. They can't find him," I explained, almost tearing up again.

    "Oh baby. I'm so sorry. How about I come over later? We can see what movies are on TV," he suggested.

    "I would love that Soda," I smiled. There he goes again, always making me smile even in the roughest times.

    "Great, I'll come over around 7. Hang in there love, it's going to be okay."

    "Thanks Soda. I love you."

    "I love you too," he replied before hanging up.

    I spent the rest of my day focusing my mind on other things. Mainly colleges. Elizabeth gave me a list of good colleges near Tulsa. I made a few phone calls and narrowed it down a bit. One thing I really needed to figure out was what I was going to study. That was for another day. A day when I had more energy.

    Elizabeth left for work and soon after, Sodapop came over. As soon as I let him in, he hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, trying not to hurt him. He hugged me for a long time. I didn't mind; I think we both needed it. Eventually, he pulled back but still kept his hands on my waist.

    "Darry said I can't look at a TV screen too long because of the uh," he pointed to his head, avoiding saying the word concussion. "We'll have to find something else to pass the time."

    "I'm sure that won't be a problem."

    I put on some music and we went into the kitchen. He helped me make brownies for a get together Elizabeth was going to the next day. I was pouring the batter into a pan when Soda wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back and kissed him on the cheek.

    "We should dance," he whispered.

    "I would love to sweet but I have to get these in the oven. Plus you can't dance right now. You have to heal," I replied.

    "Fine," he huffed dramatically.

    "I know. Worst girlfriend ever," I said sarcastically. I finished pouring the batter and was leveling it out.

    "The best girlfriend ever," he said kissing me. "Always taking care of me."

    "Well you don't so someone has to," I joked. I put the brownies in the oven and set the timer.

    "Finally. Come on," Soda said.

    He took my hand and led me to the couch. I laid down and he did too. He had his head on my stomach so I started to play with his hair. We talked for a while until I looked down and he was asleep. I let him sleep but he woke up when I tried to adjust the pillow behind me.

    "Sorry love," he said sleepily.

    "That's okay. Are you sleeping at night?" I asked.

    "Yeah." I looked at him to make sure he was telling the truth. He laid his head back down. "No."

    "Why not?"

    "I don't know. It just hurts. Sleeping with Ponyboy isn't the most comfortable thing. He kicks. Never bothered me until he kicked me in the ribs last night. I just couldn't go back to sleep after that."

    "Why don't you move back into your room? At least until you heal."

    He shook his head. "I don't want to leave Ponyboy. It's better that I don't sleep than that he doesn't."

    "Soda, I'm sure he'll be okay for a week or two," I pushed.

    "I can't," he replied softly. I knew he wouldn't leave his brother no matter how hard I pushed.

    "Okay, go back to sleep then. I want you to get some rest while you can."

    "Are you sure?"

    "Yes I'm sure. Just close your eyes," I said, starting to play with his hair again. I knew it could put him to sleep.

    Sure enough, he was out in just a few minutes. I just watched him. His chest going up and down slowly. Pretty soon, I fell asleep too.