Gears and Steam

Hugs

Edmund

My entire body was trembling with the cold, but every point of contact between Jules and me felt like it was burning. I didn't know how to react to him putting his arm around me. I felt like I should punch him or at least yell at him, but I couldn't make myself do anything about it. Jules seemed happy enough to touch me, and I couldn't say that it felt horrible. The feeling was more strange than bad.

"This street, right?" Jules asked, startling me. He hadn't said a word since we were on the bench. I felt like I had lost my mind back there. I had been affectionate with Jules. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't want to be stuck in that horrible cycle again.

I looked up from the street in the direction Jules was pointing. "No, this way," I mumbled, pulling him to the left. Jules was providing me some warmth in the freezing rain; that seemed to be reason enough for me not to push him away yet.

The green house came into view, and I shoved Jules away from me. Freddie and Theo didn't need to see anything. I was afraid that they would start putting a few things together. The old memories they had of me were useless, but if they added those to new memories...my secret wouldn't be safe anymore.

"Hey, Edmund," Jules said, looking over at me.

"Hmm?" I hummed, hoping that he would ask me anything about the past forty minutes.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You're acting sorta strange. I mean, it's not like I mind you not yelling at me, but it's out of character. To be fair, I've been acting pretty strange too..."

"I'm just tired. I didn't sleep much last night. I think it's taking a toll on me." I shook my head as I pushed open the door to the store. Freddie was behind the counter but there were no customers. I wanted to go up to my room, change out of this stupid outfit, and collapse onto my bed.

"You should probably take a nap or something," Jules continued.

I stopped walking and turned to look at him, causing him to nearly run into me. "Don't tell me what to do," I growled. Guess I wouldn't be going to sleep now.

"Ah, he's back," Jules joked.

"Go away."

Jules put his hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine, I'll leave you alone."

"Hurry up and change, you're dripping!" Freddie yelled, rushing over to us. "Your lips are blue! Why the heck were you out there for so long?!"

I just shrugged and continued up to my room. The bag of parts made a loud clattering noise, and I tossed it on my desk. I felt better once I was back in my work clothes. I hated that vest and tight shirt, and they definitely weren't any more comfortable when they were wet.

I couldn't believe I had let my guard down like that. I had been specifically trying to avoid instances where I let someone slip under my barriers. I needed to keep Jules at arm's length. Freddie might not let me fire him, I doubted that I would let myself fire him at this point, but I needed to keep him away from me. He was a good mechanic but not a good person for me to get close too.

I collapsed onto my bed and wrapped my green blanket around my shoulders. I didn't think I would get any sleep, though I was exhausted after that day I'd had. It wasn't near sunset, but the rain made it dark outside. I hadn't bothered to turn on any of my lamps.

I layed there for at least an hour, completely oblivious to the outside world. I didn't like knowing what was going on outside; it usually wasn't good. Life sucked, people sucked, everything just plain sucked. Buried under my blanket and pillow, I didn't hear the person knocking on my door for a few minutes. Even then, I didn't answer.