Gears and Steam

So This Is Happening

Jules

You're you. What was that even supposed to mean? Edmund liked me because...I was myself? He couldn't...I was nothing more than a liar. A dirty, rotten liar. I had to stay away from him, not because I wanted to but because he couldn't like me. It would only end with him getting hurt.

There were other reasons to keep him away too. I would never like him in the same way that he liked me. I didn't share his secret. I didn't think I did, at least. I knew I felt weird about this whole thing, but that wasn't the same thing as reciprocated feelings.

I wasn't sure where Edmund had ended up. For all I knew, he was still under his workbench. We hadn't been able to continue our conversation. I had been on the verge of tears and Edmund was full on sobbing. Wherever he was now, he wasn't at the table with the rest of us.

"Okay, I can't take this," Theo said, putting his fork down. "Where the heck is Edmund?"

I frowned and stared down at my plate. I hadn't eaten a bite. "He's not coming to dinner."

Theo and Freddie both narrowed their eyes at me. "What happened?"

"He's fine," I assured, even though it wasn't true. "He wants to be alone though."

"Are you okay?" Freddie asked.

"Uh, yeah, sorta. Just not really hungry." I pushed my plate back and stood up. "I'm not feeling very well. I think I'll go lay down."

Freddie looked concerned. "Are you sick?"

"Um, no, just a bit out of it," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'll be fine in an hour or so."

"You might have been out in the rain with Edmund for a bit too long," Theo chuckled.

I felt my face instantly turn red. Maybe I had been out in the rain with Edmund for a bit too long. If I would have gone back inside sooner...that never would have happened.

Freddie lightly slapped Theo on the arm. "He's not okay."

"No, no, I'm fine," I said. It's Edmund you should be worried about. They couldn't know what was going on. Heck, I didn't even know what was going on. Still, I had promised Edmund that I would keep his secret; I intended to keep that promise.

My bed was still damp from when I had collapsed on it earlier, but I didn't care. This entire event had confused me and messed Edmund up. Oh gosh, I shouldn't have left him alone. Alone wasn't good. Alone was never good.

I seriously contemplated finding Edmund again, just to make sure he was okay, but I needed to keep my distance. It would be a lot easier if he thought I hated him. I could act like he disgusted me, then we would be separated. Then I could leave. Maybe I could convince myself that he really did disgust me. That would make everything easier for me. He would understand if I hated him too.

No, I couldn't hate Edmund. Not when he liked me enough to....to kiss me. What he did still wasn't right. We couldn't...we were both...it wouldn't...gah! This entire thing was so messed up! I would just have to keep my distance while remaining his friend. We could still be friends, right? I doubted that...

Maybe this was for the best. If I didn't try to clear any of this up...we would stay just like we were now until I had to leave. I would have to leave. The awkward distance was for the best...this was all for the best.

I would have to work in the shop with Edmund tomorrow. That wouldn't go over well. How could we work together after all of this? I would have to work with him. I still needed information. I needed to be here, as much as I hated it.