You Are The Reason

Seb

Seb

Going into the Villa had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life. I'm not a very open person. Pretty much everyone who's ever met me will tell you that, even my parents. When I told some of my friends I was going on the show, they had a hard time believing me. Most of them probably barely still believed it even after I walked onto their telly screens. Did I believe I'd find love? Not really. Dating for me had always been hard. It was hard for me to find any woman I could really let inside to see the real Seb. I had never even really come close to finding the real thing in the outside world, so I figured why not? If anything, maybe it could help my business.

When AJ walked out, the first girl we saw in the Villa, and she picked me I was stoked. She was definitely hot, but as we talked for a bit between her coming out and Elladine, I could tell we were only going to be friends. Then she walked out. My heart stopped the moment I saw McKenna walk across the lawn. Her long brown hair fell in curls down her back, her big blue eye sparkled with excitement, and her smile was dazzling. She scanned the other guys who had yet to be picked, then looked over in our direction. That's when our eyes met for the first time. She smiled at me, and I felt like time stood still. My heart hammered against my chest and I felt things I'd never felt before in my entire 28 years on this Earth. She ended up picking Harry, but Genevieve came in and stole him from her the very same day. McKenna pulled me aside to talk after Genevieve took Harry, clearly needing a friend. Things were so easy with her. I could talk to her about any and everything. I told her things I'd never shared with anyone before. Even when I rambled on and on about my cat Doom, she always acted interested and never made fun of me. Looking back on it, if I was truly honest with myself, I fell in love with her on day one. Fear of rejection, and fear of losing the best friendship I'd ever had in my life kept me from letting her know how I felt. Then Tai came into the Villa. I knew the moment I saw him he was going to be trouble. He immediately went after her, not that I could blame him for that. She was the most beautiful and kind woman in the Villa. He was sweet and kind to her, but I saw the real Tai. When it was just us guys he would talk about the girls and guys he'd dated back home, and we could tell he wasn't there for the right reasons.

McKenna seemed so enamored with him that I just couldn't bring myself to hurt her by telling her what I thought about him. Then Lily entered the Villa. It was clear that Tai and Lily were attracted to each other, and I knew that McKenna could see it too. I could tell by the way she would watch them when they were together. I caught Tai and Lily in a suspicious embrace the day she entered the Villa, but I wasn't certain there was anything going on between them. I tried to talk to McKenna about it the next day, and I asked her if she really trusted him and saw a future with him. She said she did. It crushed my heart, but I let my suspicions go and decided to focus on Viv. She'd been talking to me a lot lately, and it had become clear that she was interested in me. I had yet to make a romantic connection in the Villa, at least not one I felt I could act on, so I decided to go for it. She was sweet and kind and beautiful. In a way she was similar to McKenna personality wise, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't let myself feel for her what I felt for McKenna.

The show ended, and Viv and I came in second to McKenna and Tai. I was happy for her. If Tai was what made her happy, I would keep my mouth shut and let her be happy. That's what a good friend does, right? Viv and I tried to make our relationship work when the show ended, but I think she could tell I wasn't giving her all of me. I didn't blame her when she went back to Glastonbury. We agreed we'd remain friends, but I hadn't really talked to her since she walked out of my shop two weeks after the show ended.

I didn't reach out to McKenna after we left the Villa. Part of it was I didn't want to torture myself by hearing about her relationship with Tai. The other part of it was Viv was obviously jealous of my relationship with McKenna. When Viv and I ended, I almost reached out to her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Another week passed and I had decided to take a trip into London to see her play with the orchestra. I bought her a bouquet of tulips, her favorite flower, to give to her afterwards. She had a solo towards the end of the show. McKenna played with such passion and the love of what she does radiated off her as she closed her eyes and lost herself in the music. Pride surged in my chest as I stood to give her a standing ovation with all of the others in the audience.