[DISCONTINUED] Catnip // Kitty Gang X Agust D

서른 아홉//39//잃어버린

Lost

I laughed. "Try me."

She put the wet rag over my face, then another, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the water.

It's not like it was my first time to experience drowning. I tried to drown myself, once. It was high school. Life didn't matter. Grades didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

It wasn't the school. No, the school was great. It was so full of life, and everything was built on music. It was so colorful, as well. Not that I could see any of the color.

It was just that... there was no reason. No reason for what? I'm still not exactly sure.

But Kitty, that was high school! Why are you reminiscing and talking random bullshit instead of panicking?

Okay well first, shut your fucking mouth and let me finish.

There was no reason for a lot of things. For getting good grades, for looking towards the future, for believing there would be a future. For me. Everyone else would move on but I, the lonely gay sociopath, wouldn't.

There was no reason to keep living and therefore I drowned myself in the boys' locker room. Er, attempted to.

But why was there no reason? Easy. I had no one. No friends, no Agust D. Er, Yoongi. Min Yoongi, the love of my life. I doubted I would never see him again, ever. 

But then I saw the news. I was intrigued. It felt like it was fate, well, because we were both criminals. Then came the murder spree. I had to find him.

For my own sanity and to tear apart his.

Don't scream.

I jerked in the restraints, gagging at the water.

Don't. Scream.

If I screamed, they'd win. Not that I really could, anyway. My lungs started to burn and my mind was screaming at me to breathe. It screamed that I was dying.

Then, they stopped. 

I gasped when the cloth was removed, shaking my head. It gave me a headache but cleared some of the water from my face. Not to my surprise, I laughed.

I spit out some of the dirty water. "Is that all you've got?"

Clara sneered and squeezed the rag of some of the water, then tossed it onto my face. I snickered.

The lukewarm water cascaded down again, and I immediately choked on it. The same sensation occurred, and I felt like I was dying. I jerked, and something snapped. Pain shot up my arm. I cursed loudly.

My eyes stung and my nose burned, both from the water. I coughed. I gagged. Then, they stopped.

I breathed heavily and quickly. Something shocked my side and I squinted my eyes shut, flinching. But I didn't scream. No. I wanted to win.

I grinned. "He's going to murder you first." I spit out some more water and laughed, though it hurt my chest. "He's going to kill all of you." More pain shot up my right arm and I winced.

"This is getting boring." Clara mumbled, then turned to her assistant. "Should we kill him already so that Agust D can watch? Then all this shit will be over."

"That's your plan?" I spat. "You're going to make him watch me die, and then kill him?" Clara eyed me. "What idiots."

"Why?" Clara asked cautiously.

I glared. "Agust D would never care about me."

"Hm." She pulled out her walkie-talkie. "Jackson." She and her acquaintance walked out of the room before I could hear anything else.

Fortunately, another hour or so passed and nothing happened. At least, to me. Maybe they were doing something to Agust. I wanted to see him.

A long time passed, but I didn't know how long. Definitely not a day, because light peeked through a crevice somewhere nearby. Or perhaps that was artificial light.

Although it didn't even feel like 12 hours, I started to grow tired. So tired. The waterboarding, struggling, shocking, and worrying took a toll.

Then finally, I awoke in a dream.

-

This isn't like my other dreams.

I looked around. I was in some kind of garden, surrounded by green and brown mountains. Sunlight shone through some clouds, creating pretty beams.

Where I stood was a circular dirt path surrounded with small meter-long slopes covered in purple flowers. Those turned into little hills, covered in more grass and wildflowers.

But the most astounding thing was a small light blue pond in the middle, a beautiful tree with white flowers at the very edge.

I took in the purple, green, and white scenery.

"Where am I?" I wondered aloud, that shocked. It was too beautiful. Too beautiful for me.

What is this? Did I die? I don't deserve this.

I spun in a full circle. "Agust?" I called. No reply. "Where are you? Are you here?" I persisted. "Agust hyung!"

A warm breeze blew through my shirt. Discouraged, I sat down at the edge of the little pond. It was still. Nothing swam in it, and no flowers floated on the surface.

"Dammit!" I screamed, slapping my hand against the water, causing it to ripple and splash onto my clothes and face. The flora didn't care. It was silent.

Look at this place. It's so beautiful and big and free... But I feel so trapped. Why? What's wrong with me?

I stayed in that area for a long time, staring at the water and my reflection. Eventually, it stilled. The constant light breezes didn't seem to make it ripple. And the sun didn't even seem to shift.

My mind began to wander again. I thought about the usual things, like the police, the NIS, Agust, V, and how I would run away. 

"Maybe you have to run towards it?"

I jumped up and turned around, startled. My heart beat fast.

V smiled. "Just a suggestion."

I choked out a laugh and jumped onto him, squeezing him tight. He put his hands on my chest.

"Holy shit, don't kill me!" He gently pushed me away. "Nice to see you... mostly ok."

I looked down at myself then back at him. "Yeah." We grinned. "What did you mean... I have to run towards it?"

He paused for a second. "Think about it. All you've been doing your whole life is running." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Who knows, maybe the answer is right in front of your nose."

I groaned. "V, I have to run. Do you want me to get arrested?"

He grabbed my hands. "Jimin, trust me for once."

I rolled my eyes. "I told you not to call me that."

Taehyung grinned with his boxy smile. "This is what I mean. You lost yourself, Min. You're in a complicated world without an exit. You can't run, but you have to accept it."

I decided not to argue. "What do I do?" I asked for the first time in my life. It felt good.

He took a deep breath. "What you've been trying to do. I don't like it, but seek refuge in Agust. Even if he tries to reject you. I know he likes you. It's in his eyes."

I blushed and looked down to hide it, clearing my throat. "Fine. I'll do that." I looked at him again. "But I need to find a way out of that place. They're torturing us."

V sighed. "You'll find a way out. And if everything goes wrong... Please don't give up. You're not that kind of person. I don't want you to be that kind of person."

My eyes started to well up so I wrapped my arms around him, my face in his neck. My best friend, V. "I love you, Jimin."

I sniffed and swallowed the ball in my throat. "I love you too, Taehyung."