Better Than Yesterday

Twenty-Six

17 Weeks

"Calum." He groans slightly as his shoulder is shaken, pulling him from is state of unconscious. "Cal, wake up!" Skye sounds happy, excited even.

"What's going on?" He mumbles lowly, rolling to face her, his arm being thrown softly over her stomach as he does.

"Put your hand right here." She giggles, lifting the arm he is in no way helping hold up, forcing his elbow to bend as his hand is pressed against her warm skin.

"Why?" He isn't awake, not really at least, trying to amuse his wife and her weird middle of the night antics.

"Just wait." She giggles again.

Why is she so awake at whatever time of night it is anyway? Suddenly his eyes shoot wide open, meeting Skye's ecstatic expression before his gaze drifts to where his hand is pressed against her small bump.

"Was that?"

"She's kicking." Skye nods, "hard enough for you to feel now too."

"Oh my god." He sits up slightly onto his elbow, focused now on the small flutters happening under his palm. "That's our baby girl." He chuckles.

"That's our baby girl." Skye nods, reaching up to brush some curls from his forehead. Calum ducks away from her hand, sliding down the bed until his head is even with his hand, sliding it slightly to the side of where the fluttering was happening.

"Hi, princess." He grins into her stomach, "Hi, baby girl, this is dada, I love you so much little one. Thanks for letting up on your mama a little bit, for letting her be less sick. We know it's not 100% yet, but at least she's eating enough to help you and her be better. Dada really appreciates it." He smiles as a soft thump hits his lower lip. "Dada loves you so much, baby girl, so so much. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms in a few short months." He sighs, leaning his cheek against the spot as she continues to move under Skye's skin, the feeling of each movement seeming so individually special against his skin as he absorbs it all.

"Have you thought about telling the fans, Cal?" Skye asks in an almost hesitant tone as she cards her fingers through his hair, his arms moved to hug her hips as he lays softly against her stomach.

"I didn't tell the fans about Nika until she was almost three and a half, and you want me to bring this up to them before the baby is even born?" He scoffs lightly into her stomach, an air of amusement in his tone.

"Different situations, Cal." She laughs though, "Mostly I just want you to be able to tell them before they force your hand again. I don't want this to be like Nika was. I want you to have the control."

"I don't want our baby girl out there yet. I don't want to discuss it with them for a while, even if we are in a down time, even if I could announce it and dip for six months or more. I just want her to stay ours for a while longer. It wont be the same as Nika no matter what happens, this time I'm not terrified, or alone. Nika was the first 5sos baby, she was a secret for so long I was worried about fans being mad for the bands sake, as well as mad about the secret, it was a lot more unknown. This time, this time it's you and me, and our girls, she's the fifth 5sos baby, it's not as scary. I'm not as scared."

"I'm not going to tell you to announce it, you know that. They are your fans not mine, and it's yours to tell them as you see fit. I was just curious."

"Not yet." Calum kisses her stomach slightly before sliding back up the bed, the baby having stopped her exciting movements for the most part, at least enough for Calum to feel them.

"Our little secret then." She smiles, shifting to recover her stomach with the t-shirt she'd stole from his side of the closet.

"Nika will be excited to feel her baby sister kicking. You get back to sleep, mama, I'm going to use the bathroom and I'll be back to cuddle you." He smiles, kissing her head softly before rolling out of the bed, taking his phone with him.

Sitting himself on the lip of the tub Calum takes a deep breath, resting his head in his hands. "Stop." He audibly commands, talking of course, to himself.

His brain firing all the thoughts he had been trying to silence for weeks, all brought to the forefront of his mind as he felt his daughter dance under his touch, reacting to his voice. He loved it. Of course he loved it, feeling the baby move, the baby made from the love he and Skye share. But the nagging fears flooded his mind faster than he could handle, and he had to separate himself, from Skye, and from the baby.

Guilt seeps from every pore as he thinks of Nika, of not being there the first time she kicked, for not ever talking to her, telling her he loved her before she was born, for not being the kind of person that he should have been. For knowing Nika's biological mother knew him enough to know he wouldn't be that person, but still hoping that the actual baby would make him that person, or at least giving him the option to be that person. Fuck, he hated himself for that. For being young and dumb, even if it was exactly what everyone was at the time. He hated that being twenty years old with money and status had taken such a big opportunity from him.

And more than anything he hated that he was feeling this way about the baby now on their way. About not wanting to tell the world about the miracle growing in his wife's stomach. Feeling guilty for loving the baby so much already when he was two seconds from revoking his rights as Nika's parent when she was laying in front of him. Wanting to kiss all over Skye's stomach and remind the baby how much he loves her, when he isn't sure he even said that to Nika for the first week of her life with him.

Carefully lifting his phone he opens Twitter, wanting to try and figure it out, wanting any answers he can get. Clicking on his the little envelope in the bottom right corner before scrolling for a few minutes, all the way to the bottom of the long list of unopened DM's from fans.

Scrolling back up as he realizes he is back pre-band, only stupid DM's with long lost friends from home. Finally though he finds 2016, and pausing a moment to calculate the right time period based on Nika's birthday.

"April." He mumbles to himself, finding the month after a few more full screen scrolls up through the thousands of DM's. Logically he knows it's stupid, the idea of finding her there, there's a good chance he had texted her, not Twitter DM'd. He wasn't exactly known for having a type back then, any and all groupies who wanted him he pretty much gave in to. Some of them more than once, and when he was really feeling it, a couple of them at once, if they were into it.

Cringing at the thought of how his life had been then he stops scrolling, two names sticking out to him, they had been sisters, not twins, one was slightly older than the other, like a year and a half or something? Ralynn and Rachelle. It had been a bold move to sleep with them both in the same week, he remembered that, especially since they shared an apartment and both time had been at their place. He'd been proud of it at the time, even bragged about it to friends, but staring at their names now, it isn't excitement or pride he is feeling. It is curiosity and mostly guilt. They fit the mold, they were the right timing, the right ethnicity to explain Nika's beautiful mocha coloring... could it be one of them? Did he have to guts to ask?

Sighing out harshly with his thumb over one of the DM's he stops himself, double tapping the envelope to take him back to the most recent DM's. It shouldn't matter who her mom is, and he really needs to stop letting his guilt eat at him. Skye is a perfect mom to Nika already, and Nika doesn't blame him for her mom not being around. He needs to not make this into something. Her biological mom chose this, and he has to focus on being glad for what he has. At least her mom gave him the chance to know he was a dad, she could have not.

Closing out of Twitter he steps to the counter, splashing water over his face before drying it and shutting off the light. Crawling back into bed he turns his back to Skye, unsure how to cuddle her close and afraid to feel the baby kick while he feels so disconnected from the family he is creating with Skye.

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Oof, Calum is feeling big emotions...

Skye seems to be doing better though...

What's going to happen next?

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)