My Mate Is Too Shy {Jiminxreader}

31) Of Cold Dates and Hot Chocolate

Date: November 21st
Time: 5:30pm
Location: Home
Mood: Near death
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Albert Einstein struggled to find a job after graduating from college. J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter books were rejected by publishers dozens of times. Pablo Picasso had dyslexia. Michael Jordan won six championships despite his ADHD.

If they could do all that, then Y/n could walk outside!

At least, that was the mantra she continually repeated in her head to force herself out the door.

As happy as Jimin and the prospect of seeing him made her, Y/n (at the moment) wouldn't mind dying.

It already felt like she was. The sweat accumulating in her palms. The nervous nausea bubbling in her stomach. The way she couldn't stop fidgeting around. Every minute or so she'd re-check her reflection in the mirror and each time she was convinced someone had hit her with the ugly stick.

Besides the feeling that her stomach was going to drop to her toes at any minute, the first problem she faced was the internal battle of whether she should dress up or not.

This wasn't a date. Jimin never said anything about a date yet this situation felt like it could be registered under that word. They both knowingly liked each other and he asked to meet her under the first snow. It was painfully obvious to everyone, including her, what he was planning to say. She wanted to hear it. She wanted to say it again. She wanted to be normal and date a guy she liked and be casual about it like everyone else.

Not for the first time her mind strayed back to the business card for the therapist Hyuna had given her.

Never mind that she needed it, Y/n didn't want to do therapy. For the time being she hid the card away in her desk drawer under a stack of notebooks. Every now and then when she was alone, she would pull it out and just stare. It never moved, never changed. The words and numbers had been burned into her retinas until she could recite them. There were a lot of things that confused her but the most perplexing of all was why she couldn't throw this scrap of card stock away. It seemed important to keep it, though the idea of tackling her problems head on was more than a little daunting.

Rather than face her issues it was easier to hide the card away, lock her feelings up and refuse to confront them.

And that did the trick. Feelings locked up and gone forever! Now the world was set right as rain.

...now go back and read that in a sarcastic tone.

Now that she was at a possible turning point in her life, she wondered. Would things be different if she had taken that help? Would she be able to tackle these moments of uncertainty and cowardice? Thinking of it that way didn't help. She was in a hole of her own digging. There was no going back and changing the past.

As of this moment she had to be brave, needed to find that confidence she had last night, had to push through the invisible barriers holding her back. With that thought, she was ready..‪.ready...For her date. Although she would like to lie to herself and swear that it wasn't a date, it was. The first one she'd ever had.‬

‪A date. ‬

‪She was going to throw up. ‬

‪Three times she turned around and went back into the main entrance of the apartment building. Inside, every insecurity screamed at her to stay put. This was stupid. She didn't deserve it. Jimin wouldn't be in her life forever so why should she try to hold on? This life, in her case, was meant to be a punishment for being so useless. Happy dates and skipping hearts were meant for everyone but her. Not her. Never her. ‬