Work didn't make me feel better since I came back here in the palace with Jisoo being unconscious in my arms. I was still very unsettled about last night with her, and any time Jisoo and I fought, it was like I lost my sanity. I wanted to explain to her what just really happened with me and Irene that night in Thailand but that meaningless picture appeared just before I tell everything I wanted to say to her. All of my plans were ruined.
As I walked up the stairs and back to my room to finish my work, I was really trying to focus but I failed. My thoughts keep drifting back to Jisoo. While I was carrying her a while ago, I felt that she was low weighted and noticed her face looked pale. I couldn't help but to blame myself. Of course, this was all my fault. If only I could tell her sooner, maybe this never happened.
"Damn it" I hissed, sitting back at my working table.
I could smell the food that was being prepared for the rest of the palace but I still decided to skip dinner so I could compose myself. I didn't want anyone seeing how rattled last night had left me. I simply flicked my hand at the table and took the mini brown box out of the drawer.
"How can I give you to your rightful owner?" I muttered as I wondered if she was up already.
The sound of approaching footsteps caught my ear. Wondering who was abroad in the hall of the royal rooms at this hour of the night. Just then, I heard a knock, not on my room but obviously on Jisoo's. I stood up after I returned the mini box to its place. Then, I stride to my door, quietly. I opened it softly and looked out. In the distance, I saw my cousin standing in front of the door across my room. I was about to tell him that she was still sleeping but suddenly Jisoo opened the door. Unseen, I stood idly looking at them.
Just before the two went out to the garden, I watched and heard how Jinyoung being worried about Jisoo. I tried not to be bother but I was just fooling myself if I said that I wasn't really bothered. I wish I could go and stop them being so friendly to each other but I knew for Jisoo, I was in no position to do that.
Feeling on a secret mission, I followed them. I could only hear indistinct conversation while maintaining my distance from them. Hiding in the dark, I just continued to watch them. The way Jinyoung looked at her was like poetry without words.
Jisoo was charming and it was impossible for my cousin to not notice it. Her eyes were the realest I've ever seen. They were quite startling, actually. I was not used to being taken off my guard simply from a glance but she effortlessly made me feel like that. When you looked at her, her beauty seems to come out of nowhere and can strike anyone around her.
"Please, don't make that smile that I fell for in front of any other man" I whispered as I was still watching them looking happy while talking.
As much as I wanted to see her cheery face, I opted to walked back to my room. I was just torturing myself if I stayed there longer. I would just sleep this defeated feelings that I was bearing.
"Too late, Jin. Too late" I said, whisper of regret hanging in my voice.
♛
I woke up feeling nauseous. This always happened when I tried to skip my dinner. I was at war with myself. I didn't want to get up but I needed something to eat so that I could go back to sleep and escape reality. Eventually, this left me with no choice but to stand up and make way to the kitchen. A simple chicken sandwich sufficed my agony.
It was still two o'clock in the morning that was why no palace maids but only guards in the royal premises. When I got back to my room, I didn't enter first. I glanced at her room a few times and battling myself if visiting her was a good idea or I should got lost. She would go into sour mood if she saw me.
"Maybe it is better not to disturb her" I mumbled and made a decision.
I was about to turn my doorknob when suddenly Butler Bang appeared out of nowhere.
"Your Highness" he greeted which made me startled for a bit.
"Why are you still awake?" I asked as I calmed myself.
"I heard your door opened, I thought you need something that's why I got up" he explained for himself.
"I see. Thank you. You can go back now to your sleep, sorry for the disturbance" he just nodded at me and bowed down just before he went back to his quarter.
"Oh, Prince Jin?" only seconds passed when Butler Bang called my attention back to him.
"Yes?"
"You can just left your birthday invitation card on her table if you want to. Well then, goodnight your highness"
A hopeful smile tugged in my face as I obeyed what Butler Bang has said. I could visit her now, right? Cause I have a reason to say. My birthday will be this weekend and that's exclusively only for my closest friends and relatives. Whether you're a family, a card must needed. I brought an invitation card with me when I entered Jisoo's room.
The door wasn't locked so I came in carefully. I approached her bedside table and slowly put the invitation card near her lamp. My eyes happened to land on her sleeping figure and I couldn't resist not to stare at the beaut in front of me. I smiled at my view. She was an endless source of beautiful ideas and epiphanies I wanted to live forever in the quiet inspiration of her existence.
A thought came in as I stared her sleeping. My thumb absentmindedly ran across her cheek and I felt my heart rate sped up. For a second there, I panicked because I thought I woke her up. But knowing Jisoo, she was a fast and deep sleeper. Maybe I could get this chance to say what I really wanted to tell her since I got back from my Thailand trip.
I told myself not to worry. Yes, maybe it was already late for me but I still wanted to let this out, even her without hearing and knowing it.
"I admit, I have acted somewhat out of character in my dealings with you. I really want to apologize for that. You see Jisoo, sometimes in life we made decisions that we've immediately wished we could take back. Uttered words out loud that have instantly twisted our gut with a pang of discomfort and regret." I vocalised after several moments of hesitations.
"I didn't let you go with me on that trip because I was hurt. I've done things without thinking, or while only thinking of myself and no one else. I swear, I wish I could take it back. But you know what Jisoo? I think leaving you behind that time was also a good idea" I laughed a little as I heard little snores from her. Cute.
"It made me realize that I want to share moments with you not memories. And if I want you, never worry about who wants me cause even if I am surrounded by fully socially women, my mind will still think about you" a hundred positive emotions came pouring into me and lingered surprisingly.
"The very thing you want to change about me is the reason why I fell in love. I love you, Kim Jisoo." a whisper of certainty clinging into my voice.
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