Niall Horan Imagines

Freedom

trigger warning : suicide / death / self-harm ( If you don't want this type of story you may proceed to next chapter :> )

Me and Niall are been fighting for almost everyday. It's becoming toxic and unhealthy for us. He is busy on his tour with the boys while I'm busy with my modeling and photoshoots.

Whenever we have a time to meet I thought we would enjoy it and just relax but the truth is we will only fight even on small things.

My ex boyfriend cheated on me two years ago which made me hard to trust. I was scared to fall in love again but Niall came and helped me with it.

Niall knew everything. He was there when I was lost. He knew that it traumatized me back then. Lately, I've seeing so many news, pictures, articles of him with random girls. But there's this one specific girl that he is seeing.

I asked him who it was but all I got was "she's just a friend goddamn it (Y/N)!" I believed him. I always did. I even asked some of our friends but all they said was they had no idea because Niall wasn't telling them either.

Every night I would cry myself in my sleep. Questioning where I did wrong? Why he is suddenly seeing someone, Am I not enough? Am I too much that's why his feelings starts to fade away. I don't know anymore.

My mental health isn't good again. I didn't told anyone what in the hell I'm feeling at the moment. I chose to hide it from everyone. I acted like I'm fine and okay.

Niall seem fine without me. I'm starting to overthink everything. I tried to call him tonight maybe he can come over and talk about everything because communication is the key right?

I tried to call him 10 times but he never answered so I gave up and now here I am at my balcony at 3 in the midnight just looking at the stars.

Suddenly a tear fell from my eyes without me noticing that I'm already starting to cry. It hurts so bad. I want to give up but I can't. I want to end my life but I can't because I don't wanna to hurt the people who loves me—my parents, friends and of course Niall.

How can I disappear without hurting them? I want to scream so bad. I want it out. I guess maybe I'm just drunk and that's why I'm triggered right now but I don't know at some point I still know what the hell I'm thinking and doing.

I grabbed my phone and texted Niall.

Hi Niall, I know you won't see this I guess? but at some point I needed to let this out. I love you so much you know that right? I'm sorry if I did something wrong. I'm sorry for hurting you. I wish I knew why we are like this.. I wish I could find the answers. If ever you change your mind, I'll be here waiting for you. But maybe if you change your mind, It's already too late.... I don't know anyway I love you so so much okay? Goodnight love.

I closed my phone and sighed. I don't want to do it but someone's pushing me to do it so bad. Like someone is whispering to me to hurt myself because I deserve it.

I don't get it why all the people I always love slowly lose interest on me, slowly starts to unlove me. What did I do wrong to deserve this? I just want to feel loved and get what I'm giving to them.

I really want to end this now. After 30 minutes of staring out of nowhere I've made my decision to film a proper final goodbye to everyone.

I opened my camera and start it to roll,

Oh hi i guess? this would probably the weirdest video I'm making but nevermind. Uhm I actually don't know where to start to be honest. I don't know how to put it in words what I'm feeling right now. I'm sorry if I failed you all... I'm sorry if I had to do this, I think this is the last way to end the pain and trouble i caused to everyone.. I love you all so much and I appreciated all the things you did to me. To my mom, I'm sorry mom but I have to do this. I'm sorry if I disappoint you. thank you for everything. I'll miss you mom but I promise you I'll always be at your side to protect you. To my fans, i love you all so much and I wished I was able to hug every single one of you. Thank you for the constant support, you were all there since the beginning and I'm sorry if I have to give up. To my friends, y'all are the best. I'm glad I was able to be friends with you all. you made me feel special and somehow you managed to made me happy.