Live Free or Twi-Hard: Part One

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Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: angst, canon violence

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What did you eat last night? After landing back in the United States from your emotional trip in Scotland, you knew you felt sick. Your stomach is upset, your eyes are watery, and you can't seem to keep anything down. What the hell did you eat last night? You know you had the same thing Dean did, but he was perfectly fine. Your head is in the toilet while you dry heave at this point while Dean is in the motel room talking to Lisa on the phone.

Ever since you told Dean off, you kind of felt better. You no longer feel guilty about what you did. Yes, you're still fucking sad about it, but you don't feel guilty. Instead of being hung up on that one event, you're going to try and move past it. Nothing will ever be the same between you and Dean, but you're finding yourself to be okay with that. Maybe what you two needed was to break up. Who knows where you two are going to end up, but you like not knowing.

Before, you knew you would marry Dean one day. You knew you would have kids with him, and eventually give up hunting to raise a big family. Now... well, now, you're not sure where you're going to end up. You're finally on your own, and it feels fucking good not to worry about another person. It might be rude to think about, but you can't help what you feel.

Especially now.

Your stomach tightens and you gag very loudly, but nothing comes out. You haven't eaten anything this morning, and if you want to throw something up, then you'll need to drink water. Luckily, you thought of this before rushing in here, so you grab the water bottle by your side and chug half of it. You finally have a breather, and you hear part of Dean's conversation with Lisa in the next room over.

Does it bug you he's still into her? No. For crying out loud, they have a child together. Does it bug you he still chose her over you? Just a tad, but you remind yourself you need to push him away if you want to start healing. Being in a relationship with Dean isn't as easy as people might think. There are some deep-rooted issues that saw the light for the first time in a long time. Those issues projected themselves onto you, and Dean fought you because of it. He's a good man, he just makes stupid ass decisions.

"But I was thinkin' that, uh, I'll wrap up here, and, y'know, make sure I'm not followed... I'll have to take side streets, and I'd have to come at night–" Dean starts to ramble to Lisa. You assume she cut him off because he stopped himself from going further. "Yeah. Of course."

Oh no, here it comes again.

You move your hair out of the way before you throw up every drop of water you just drank. Dean hears this and hangs up the phone before rushing to your aid. He catches the hair that's fallen and puts it into a makeshift ponytail. He doesn't understand why you're like this especially when you were fine just a few days ago.

He still cares about you, and he really does love you with all his heart, but he knows you won't take him back after what he did. Lisa is waiting for him, and he should be happy he has a family that won't let him go, but it's not a family with you. Why did he have to go and fuck it up like he always does? He let his emotions get in the way of rational thinking, and it's going to take a lot of work on his part to make it all up to you. Not seeing Lisa should be step one, but he can't seem to let her go either. Is he so fucked up in the head that he needs validation from a family? He's stupid to realize now that Lisa was never there for him... you were.

He never needed a kid to be a family with you, and he hates himself for realizing that now.

"Are you okay? This is the second morning you threw up. Are you sure you're not sick?" he asks.

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