Haha so I had an anxiety attack during school on Thursday last week (this is a long chapter so buckle up)
I have so many physics assignments that I haven't done because my teacher gives so many assignments... I have 3 lab assignments that were due Tuesday, 2 due Wednesday that I found out were assigned yesterday morning, and 2 due yesterday. I haven't done any of them because I have too many other assignments to work on, and band practice (on Wednesdays and Thursdays) cuts my time after school to work on homework. There's also Mastering Physics, which gives 10 ish questions per section, and they don't give any credit if you do them past the due date. There was a section due Wednesday, one due yesterday, one due today, and one due Monday.
Ok so with all this in mind, I was in physics class trying to figure out what to work on. I started panicking and I was trying not to cry. I had to go on Pinterest and look through my art boards to try to distract myself, but that just ended up making me worry even more because I could've been working on one of the assignments. I started crying a little bit, but I hope my teacher didn't notice... (oh and keep in mind this was my first class of the day)
Anyway when the bell rang, I bolted outta that classroom and went straight to the bathrooms which were nearby and blew my nose. I went to my next class still crying a bit but after a while I stopped. Then after that was my English test, which was a group essay project on a story we just read. I very stupidly decided to work alone instead of in a group like almost everyone else. (I think there was another person working alone.) Yeah so here's why I wanted to work alone...
Ok so I can't write school papers for shit (let alone in a single class period). So why would I want to do that myself? In class we tried to do a small group assignment using Zoom to talk to group members, as a test for the group essay test. I couldn't bring myself to unmute my mic and say something to my group. Once again, I end up doing no work in the group project because I can't assert myself... so my choice was either work alone and disappoint myself, or work in a group and disappoint myself and my group. I chose not to disappoint other people.
Yeah even though our teacher changed it so we only had to write an outline and not an essay, it still didn't go too well... it took too long to find any decent quotes from the story and I was just scrolling through the story like crazy with little success. I was already upset earlier about physics, but this made my day worse. I was crying so much more during the test than during physics. And of course the teacher noticed me bawling like a child...
When I'm crying, I prefer to be left alone. I don't want people coming up to me asking what's wrong. Leave me alone, let me collect myself, and then I'll tell you why I was crying. I understand people ask what's wrong when I'm crying because they're trying to be nice, but it just bothers me.
After I have English, I have lunch. Forsaken 4th period lunch, as I call it. I wanted to listen to music as some kind of solace, but the internet stopped working (go figure). I tried to move on from earlier today, but I broke down crying again. Someone came up to me and asked if I was okay. I understand this is something everyone says to someone they see who is sad, and that it's just common courtesy, but do I look okay? Then I tried to explain what was happening but here's the thing. When I'm sad about something, most of the time when I try to explain I end up crying more. So I was trying to stop, but whenever I talked I kept crying. Then a teacher came over and the 3 of us went to the campus ministry place (which is one of the student hangout places).
I had to explain the whole situation again (I forgot to mention the English test to both of them, oops). The teacher suggested I go talk to the mental health teacher and me not wanting to be rude said sure. "Sure" is my generic response when I don't really want to do something but I don't want to be rude and say no. But then after that whole thing was over, we ended up watching the Bee Movie on the TV in campus ministry so it was all good in the end. The person and I came to campus ministry during our lunch period on Friday and yesterday to continue watching the movie. We finished watching it with just a few minutes left of lunch yesterday- perfect timing.
(lol I meant to post this on Thursday when this happened but I'm lazy. Ignore any inconsistencies with the dates.)
