Please Don't Help Me

Delilah's POV

Two days ago I saw Caley again for the first time in like 4 years. And now I'm laying here in my bed again. With wrists that sting like hell. Tears streaming down my cheeks. My heart beating way faster then it should be. I'm so scared. They're gonna see. Somebody is going to see these cuts all up my arm and they're gonna yell at me. I could feel my breathing speeding up. God I can't take it anymore. Why is it that I have to go through this every night? When thoughts fill my head. And I just...I just wanna die. Why? Please somebody tell me why. I sighed. I give up....
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I woke up covered in sweat. I'm okay. I made it through the night. I looked at my wrist. Okay so that part wasn't a dream. Shit. Oh well. I grabbed some jeans and a big sweatshirt. I got dressed and put on some mascara. I stared at myself in the mirror and smiled. Who knew that a smile could hide so much? "DELILAH!!!!!" Connor yelled from the bottom of the steps. "WHAT???" I yelled back. "STOP FREAKING SCREAMING!!!" Ricky yelled from his bedroom. Kian let out a loud high pitched scream and Sam laughed (damn Sam's laugh is adorable.) "COME DOWN HERE!!!" Connor called up. "IM GETTING DRESSED!!!!!!" I yelled. "STOP SCREAMING!!!!" Trevor whined. I laughed and headed downstairs. "What the hell you want?" I asked Connor as I walked into the kitchen. He raised his eyebrow and I smirked. We laughed. Then his eyes shifted down to my arm because he saw that I had pulled my sleeve down to my finger tips. He gave me a death glare and I started to turn around and walk to the living room but he grabbed my shoulder and swirled me around. "Show me. Now." He demanded. "Dude I'm fine." I started to turn around again. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Now Delilah." He demanded once again. I rolled my eyes and pulled up the sleeve of my right wrist because that one was clean. He smiled. "Good. Move along now young one." He shooed me out with a dish towel. But when I turned around I ran into Sam. "Show me the other arm." He told me. I avoided eye contact as I rolled up my left sleeve slowly. I looked behind me to see Connor with his hand on his hip like an annoyed mom but his eyes gentle like a concerned brother. "Delilah why don't you head up to your room." He said, pointing at the steps. "But I.." I started. "Now." He said a little more sternly but I could still hear hurt in his voice. I felt tears filling up in my eyes so I nodded and went up to my room. On my way to the steps I caught a glance of the rest of the guys watching me from the couch. But I acted like I hadn't seen them and kept walking.