Agent Alaska: Recollection and Freelancer

"Labor Pains"

Fade in to Grif yelling at the Blues from the cliff.

Grif: "Yeah you! You fucking piece of shit! You suck!"

Tucker: "Jesus, is that guy still yelling?"

Church/Alpha: "Yes."

Tucker: "He's been yelling all morning."

Tex: "Hhhh, we know."

Tucker: "Make him stop."

Alpha: (sarcastically) "I'll be sure to be on that, right now."

Church: "And how'm I gonna do that?"

Tucker: "Shoot him with your snipe-"

Tremor.

Tucker: "Ah, never mind, I realized how stupid that sounded as soon as I started to say it."

Cut to Grif on the cliff. Simmons approaches him.

Grif: "Hey, Blues, you still suck! Yeah, you! You fucking piece of shit! You suck!"

Simmons: "Grif, what the hell are you doing up here?"

Grif: "I'm doing my job, Simmons."

Another tremor happens.

Grif: "I'm working on my part of the plan."

Simmons: "I thought your part of the plan was to build a bomb?"

Grif: "Uh, yeah, but I don't know how to build a bomb."

Simmons: "Yeah, I know that, you don't know how to do anything."

Grif: "So, I'm yelling at the Blues - You guys still suck! - until I make them mad enough to bomb our base -Idiots! - So, not only will they make me a bomb, I'll get them to deliver it. For free. You guys are lame, I hate you!"

Simmons: "That is actually the most sensible part of this plan I've heard so far. Your years of laziness have finally paid off in full, Private Grif."

Grif: "Thank you very much, Private Simmons. Now if you'll excuse me, somebody needs to be called a cunt."

Simmons: "As you were soldier."

Simmons leaves.

Grif: "Hey you! Yeah, you! You dumb cunts! You suck!"

Tremor begins...

Grif: "Hey up there, what're you talking about? Huh Blue? Are you talking about how bad you suck?"

...tremor ends.

Grif: "Because that's what I'm doin'! I'm talking about it right here, only louder! Way louder! Because I'm yelling Bluueee Teeeaam suuuucks! Hey Blue Team, why're you so sad? Is it because you suck so bad? I think it might be!"

Alpha: (roaring) "SHUT THE FUCK UP, GRIF!"

Tex: "That's it, I'm taking those fuckers out! Caboose, get my toolkit."

Grif: "Woohoo! Success."

Grif flees.

Cut to Blue Base some time later, with everyone gathered around a bomb.

Church: "What the hell is that?"

Alpha: "A bomb, genius."

Tex: "That, is my bomb. You guys had an unused robot kit, so I used the parts from it to make this bad boy."