~ 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐞𝐢𝐥 𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐤

i'll love you forever, even if you don't feel the same

i knocked on the door of your house, on a Friday November 16, when the wind was blowing, when the pouring rain was bursting against my back, when the lightnings spat their rage on the city.
the trees were bending in the storm, my legs were shaking, my teeth were chattering, my heart was beating too hard, my breathing was too choppy, my hair hidding the features of my face, distorted with sadness. i was pitiful.

but you opened the door for me, and you let me in.

your big worried eyes stared at me.
and i felt i existed. i felt that someone give a damn about me.

you took offense at the bruises and scarlet red marks i had on my body, while i smiled foolishly, because i knew you were ready to fight to make amends for the injustice whose i was suffering.
when i told you i was beaten, you forced me to spit out the name of his garbage, and you cursed at them for long hours, while i smiled foolishly in your arms. i was happy that someone cared about me. and i was happy that this someone was you.

your eyes were looking sadly at my wounds and i couldn't help but smile. even more when you took me in your arms.
i smiled against the skin of your neck again, i smiled all the night, i smiled.
i smiled because you were there.
i smiled because i loved you.
i smiled because i authorized myself to think you felt the same thing.

but it was not.
and the tears began to falling down again.

i understood that it was not the blows of others that hurt me.
it was the bleeding from my heart.

but at least, now you know.

now you know.

now you know, i loved you

much more than i hated them.

i am sorry.

but i'll always be there.
even if you don't love me.

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