Committed ✦ Wilk

Seventeen

I wiped my eyes when I heard the soft knock on the door, and I braced myself for what was destined to come. I looked at the tear soaked sleeve of the pale blue shirt I was wearing and frowned. With weak and shaking legs I made my way to the door and slowly opened it, and behind it revealed my mother who looked upset and confused at the same time. My lip trembled when I saw her, and it wasn't like our reunion in the clothing store - it was much more emotional and raw. "Mom," I whispered before she pulled me into a tight embrace. "I miss you so much," I cried out.

"I'm here now," she said swaying me back and forth in effort to calm me. She still smelt like blossoming flowers, and her brown hair was parted down the middle just like she had always worn it. Her blue eyes were glossy from obvious tears. I welcomed her inside and she sat down on the couch next to me. "Is everything okay? Is Raina okay? What's going on?"

"She's okay," I said after wiping tears from my eyes. "A lot has been happening in my life lately, and today I just realized that I've been longing for something, and everytime I hold her in my arms I feel this unbreakable bond between us, and I never want anything to get in between that bond. And when I think of it - I think of you, and I don't understand how that accused bond was broken." She frowned and looked down to the carpet and a single tear ran from her eye to her cheek. "Why did you abandon me?"

"I never wanted to," she admitted sadly. "It wasn't my decision, and I regret it everyday. I always find myself picking up the phone to try to call you, but I always stop myself because I think of the horrible thing I had done to you. I didn't want to put you through anymore pain, because I know that you had been hurt enough, and not only from me, but Alex and everyone around here. I had treated you so terribly, and so I just assumed you wanted nothing to do with me because that seemed logical."

"I blamed you for so long, and I was so hurt. But I need my mom," I said slipping extra tears. "Why did you do all of those things? You left me when I needed you the most."

"I know," she frowned. "I got so wrapped up in the idea that you could only be mine, and not your father's. I still don't understand why I tried to push Daniel on you, because he only wanted you out of our lives. When you told us that you were expecting it was all of the ammunition he needed. He somehow convinced me to throw you out and abandon you just like everyone else had done," she shook her head. The sleeves of her light gray sweater were beginning to match mine with all of the collected tears. "I have nothing now," she smiled sadly. "Not Daniel, not you, I have no one."

 "All I ever wanted was the truth," I said scooting closer to her. "Thank you," I rested my head on her shoulder. "I want our relationship back, so I can grow to have an even healthier one with my daughter. I want you to have a relationship, and bond with your grandchild, and I don't want her to have to grow up without vital rolls in her life."

"I have been dreaming for this day to come," she smiled at me. 

~

We caught up on everything, and I told her about Sam and how happy he made me. She told me that she would like to meet the boy who shed light in the dark world of mine. She even fed Raina who seemed to be feeling better due to a declining fever. All of it felt right again, and I felt like my life was piecing together, that was until she asked about Alex. 

"He's coming around a little bit," I frowned slightly.

"But you wish he wasn't," she said reading my thoughts. 

"It's not exactly that...it's just that I don't want him to hurt her, like all of the times he did me," I traced small circles into the fabric of the couch. She nodded understandingly.

"So this Sam fellow seems like a really great guy," she said in effort to take my mind off of Alex. She might have been worried that horrible memories were rushing through my head, but surprisingly enough they weren't. I had long since closed the open window that was letting in all of the cool air, and the sky was no longer shedding tears.