Committed ✦ Wilk

Sixteen

I sat patiently in the small waiting room of the pediatrician's office. Raina was laying on my chest and it was quite obvious she was feeling under the weather. A few other mothers were in there as well with their ill children, and those who needed regular check ups. I could feel eyes on me, and I looked up to see a mother talking to her daughter who seemed around 15. They were both staring at me as they whispered to each other, and their judging brown eyes burnt holes in me. I sighed and looked down at my phone. "Baylor?" I heard my name be called. I looked up and saw the nurse standing in the hallway frame. She was smiling and I stood up and followed her back to a room. The small confined space was filled with different medical technology, a bed for the patient, and two small chairs that were next to an even smaller desk and a stool. "So what brings you in today?" The nurse asked. She was so friendly, and was always so gently with Raina. She had long black hair that was always tied up with a pony tail, and light brown skin that brought out her piercing blue eyes.

"She's been running a fever, and has been rather fussy," I said looking down at Raina who had flushed cheeks, but a sickly pale complexion.

"Oh, no," the nurse - Leena frowned. "I'll go ahead and check her temperature and breathing," I nodded simply and sat Raina upright so she could be examined. Leena made a 'tsk' noise with her mouth and shook her head while reading the thermometer. "She has a fever of 102.8," she said setting the thermometer down. "What was it the last time you checked?"

"I checked again this morning and it was 102.4 which was the same as last night," I sighed and kissed the top of Raina's head where her thin dark brown hair rested. I frowned when I felt the heat radiating off of her like she was some type of human furnace.

"She's faintly wheezing," Leena said as she pressed the stethoscope to her back. "Let's get her weight and height and see where she is on the growth chart," she smiled causing her eyes to crinkle. I nodded and followed her to the scale. She smiled and recorder her numbers down on the chart. "She's almost twelve pounds, so she's a little bit under but that's okay. She's about 21 inches as well. She's just a little one is all. She'll grow up to be petite like her momma," I smiled and we carried on with the appointment. The pediatricain came in and examined her further, and came to the conclusion that she had a cold. She said it would subside within the next few days and I shouldn't be too concerned because it was going to help make her immune system stronger.

~

I hummed softly as I rocked Raina back and forth in the old wooden chair in her room. Her deep blue eyes stared up at me and studied every aspect of my face. She had identical bone structure, eye color, and hair color as me. She was only three months old and was a carbon copy of me. I sang softly to her knowing that it would send her into a state of tranquility, and fill the room with nothing but serene vibes. 

I thought about you all day, how we have the same face.

I fell asleep confused, parts of me reminded me of you.

How could I ever wish away?

Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you.

And standing in the water with me,

I can tell you what I wanna tell you.

And I hope it's not just a bad dream,

Hope it's not just a sad dream.

As her eyelids closed I felt myself drift off in a euphoric state, floating on nothing but the melancholic feeling that was wrapping my heart in chains. The words touched my soul and reminded me of everything that had been taken from me - including my mother. My voice trembled with each word, and it became harder and harder to choke out the lyrics. I opened my tightly closed eyes and saw that Raina completely tuned out the world and was sleeping peacefully with steady breathing. I caressed her rosy cheek and kept her wrapped in my arms so I could feel a sense of security, and home. 

The scenery from her window leading outside was dull - only showing clouded gray skies that seemed to be in the same state of sadness and confusion as I was in that moment. The ground was dry, but it seemed as if the sky could release built up tears at any second. I had grown up believing that each time it rained it was simply the heavens freeing all of its accumulated tears from all of the sadness and dreaded emotions in the world. It was nature's way of feeling sympathy, and when the sadness bled through, the world would stand still until the sun showed happiness and strength again. 

I wasn't sure how or why I was pummeled with such desolate feelings. Maybe it was in the words of the lyrics, or maybe it was my own heart crying out for something that it had missed for far too long.

I stood up and placed Raina into her crip and walked out of the room wTears fromith nothing but dispair trailing behind me. I reached for my phone and dialed the memorized number and waited through the several rings, and an ominous feeling grew in my stomach. "Hello?" The starched voice asked.

"Mom," I sat down. "I-it's me."

"Baylor, is everything alright?"

"I miss you," I said with tears forming in the corners of my eyes. "I miss you, mom." My lower lip quivered and I felt myself growing weak. 

"What is this all about?" She seemed bewildered by her tone.

"There was this song, and the sky is making me really sad and I just don't know," I said as the wall holding back the tears collapsed. Salty tears cascading down my cheeks and dripped onto my collar bone, and the neck of my shirt.

"Are you okay?" She asked with concern or care. She was no longer speaking to me like I was a lost friend, but as someone she truly cared about.

"No," I admitted dreadfully.

"Would you like me to come over?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there," she said solemnly as her voice cracked. "I have missed you too."

The conversation ended with that line, and I walked over to the window mournfully. I opened it and the crisp air rushed in and washed over me. The heavens began to cry right along with me, and every bottled emotion escaped my body, and into the world as the rain began to pour vigorously. 

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So I'm sorry if this chapter seems depressing, I'm very emotional at the moment, but I'm okay. Also I'm sorry for the short length of it, but expect more updates soon that will be longer and more eventful.

p.s. 4k reads? You guys are so wondeful, I love you all so much xx