Delilah
The pit in my stomach grew worse after lunch when I saw the surrounding my locker. There were a lot of people actually, mostly people in my class or theirs. They all seemed to be laughing at something.
I take slow hesitant steps to my locker, when I finally get there I have to shove through the crowd to see my locker. Someone had taken black spray paint and written mean names all over the glossy red paint, and taped razors to the front.
Tears spring to my eyes and their laughs ring my in ears. It bounced around in my head, going a million miles an hour.
Slut
Whore
Fuck up
Bitch
Die
Unloved
Fat
That was all they could write, but the message was clear. They wanted me gone, out of their lives. Something instead me snapped like a rubber band, and I felt what little light I have left get swallow by the darkness.
I could see their lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything they said. Tears rolled down my face, and I felt myself breaking.
They got what they wanted
Biting my lip, I raise my head and look them in they eyes before pushing my way out of the circle they had formed. Once out of their line of sight I break into a run, away from the school, away from home.
I end up at a park with a lake, I go over to a bench near the water and let out a sob. I cried into my hands for what seemed like hours but was actually a couple minutes. I cried until I was gasping for air and my hands shook.
Behind me gravel crunched, hastily I wipe my tears and runs to see Cole. I look up at him with fear, fear of what he was going to say. Fear of how much more this would hurt.
"Hey Delilah, how are you?" Cole says casually, sitting beside me and throwing his arm on the back of the bench.
"Fine" my voice comes out void of any emotion, I have said this line over and over. Trying to convince myself I was fine.
"About what happened back there..." Cole begins, but I cut him off.
"It's alright" I say gathering my bag in my hands.
"No, it's not and that's-"
"Really Cole, I'm fine" I grit out, jumping to my feet ready to run again. Cole looks at me with observant eyes. I keep my cold front and stare back.
"Delilah I-"
"No. Don't"
I walk away.
~
It's ten o'clock, my brothers are downstairs with Cole playing a game or something. I sit on my bed with my guitar, a song on the tip of my tongue. Hey there Delilah by Plain White T's tumbled from my lips.
Hey there Delilah,
What's it like in New York City?
You're a thousand miles away
But, girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
My voice came out strong but soft as I carried on with the song, and somewhere deep inside me I knew someone could hear. That someone was watching me, but I shook the feeling off and sang
Singing was a way for me to find release, if I'm sad I sing. If I'm angry I sing. Whatever mood I'm in I sing, because singing helps me be me.
Whoever I am.
Finishing off the song I place my guitar in the corner of my room and stand in the window seal, leaning against the wall and resting my head on the glass. I watch as it grows dark out, and the street lamps turn on.
The scenes from the hallway flickering through my head a million miles an hour, I can still hear their laugher and taunting in my ears. It hurts, it hurts because I'm used to pain, but not this pain.
Choking back tears I walk to the full body mirror that hangs on the back off the door and stare at myself.
Fat
I felt like a tree standing in the mirror, big fat legs, a long torso that was wide, long and fat arms. My cheeks chubby, and I sure as hell didn't have a collar bone. I was not skinny.
I wanted to be one of those girls with skinny arms and legs, the one who everyone liked and didn't hate. I wanted to be the girl everyone can say they have had a crush on, I want to be that girl.
But I am not, and I will never be. Because I'm Delilah Ace Anderson, the girl who everyone hates. The girl who no one will ever liked, or has been liked. The girl who is bullied and neglected by her family.
The girl who wants nothing but to be loved, and that's her weakness.
"Delilah! Get down here" My father bellows, glancing at my door I sigh. Opening the door I inch slowly down the hall way, taking my time. "Hurry up!" He yells impatiently, I roll my eyes and hurry down the stairs.
"Yes father?" I ask in a sickly sweet voice, he gives me a weird look before huffing.
"Your brothers, mom and I will be leaving for a few days to go see my mother. You will stay here and watch the house" Dad says.
"Okay,cool" I shrug my shoulders before brushing past him into the kitchen. I take a glass of water and an apple before returning to my room. I couldn't help the smile that makes its way onto my face, I could finally be alone.
I could do what I've wanted to do for the past years. It's my chance, my only chance.
