D E S P E R A D O

twenty five

He didn't mean to put two and two together, really. But it gets suspicious after a while, and what else was he supposed to do when Jimin was away. There was a reason why he was the golden member of the Jeon clan, nothing got past him. Even when he wasn't trying he could sniff out the truth from miles away.

There was no doubt about it, he was staring right at it. It was too ingrained into his memory for him to be wrong, especially how there were way too many instances which pointed to one conclusion, too crafted to be just a coincidence. 

Jungkook leans in slightly to check the engravings on the edge of the frame to confirm his suspicions. Women at Tea by Vanoss Grant (1534). He raises an eyebrow and looks back at the painting. This explains everything, he doesn't know why he hasn't realized sooner. He chuckles a little to himself, Jimin you little shit.

"Didn't you liked art Jungkookie." 

Jungkook didn't realize how long he was staring at the painting, how long Jimin was standing or when he even came back. He doesn't flinch though he was not expecting the voice which spoke from behind him.

"It's okay. This is a pretty painting though." Jungkook teases. Jimin has to know he's figured it out.

"Hm... Seem familiar?" Jimin teases right back.

"No I don't think so." He turns around feigning ignorance overdramatically.

Jimin smiles knowingly. "Come on I want to show you something." he takes Jungkook's hand and drags him around the corner to the end of a secluded hallway, in front of a large door.

"Just say you wanted to make out with me." Jungkook jokes rolling his eyes. "The bed is more comfortable anyway."

Jimin ignores him and opens the door, switching on the lights inside the room. The lights flicker on one by one lighting up the large hall which looked like the inside of a museum. Greek sculptures lined up in the middle, marble flooring and numerous paintings displayed on the surrounding wall.

"Wow." Jungkook stares in awe at the artifacts.

"Took me a long time and a lot of determination but I'm very proud of this." Jimin smiles in a way that makes Jungkook's heart melt.

"Didn't know you were a collector Jimin."

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me." The older wraps an arm around his waist and walks with him. "I-uh-I have someone I want you to meet actually..." he says nervously and halts in his steps.

Jungkook stops and furrows his brows. "Oh?" he looks in front and sees a small podium with a beautiful urn on top of it.

"Eomma, this is Jungkook... Jungkook this um- this is-" his mother. "My mother..."

The younger's eyes widen as he stares at Jimin and then back at Jimin. This took a turn he did not expect. "Uhm hello Mrs Park... I-I'm well Jimin just told you but I'm Jungkook. Nice to meet you." 

Jimin chuckles. "I wasn't really planning to introduce you guys so soon but since you trusted me enough to want to introduce me to the person closest to you, I wanted to show you I trusted you too..." he scratches his nape.

Jungkook smiles wide and crinkles his nose at the touching act. How Jimin could be so vulnerable with him he didn't know, but it made him feel like he could too, trust him.

"My mother really loved art. Always took my brother and I to the museums when we were younger. At 16 I stole my first painting to give to my mother as a birthday gift." They started to walk arms linked around the room, admiring the art. "It was called the garden of wildflowers." Jimin says stopping in front of that very painting. 

Jungkook thought it was utopia. A field of multicolored flowers and butterflies flying around. He could practically feel the cool breeze and hear the soft rustling of leaves. "It's beautiful."

"Reminds me of my mother, even to this day. When I look at it I just see the smile on her face when she unwrapped her present... The old mansion used to be filled with art too, but when she, you know, it became dull, depressing even..." Jimin doesn't seem sad, just seemed as if he was reminiscing. "Made this room so that she could be surrounded by art just as beautiful as her, even after her passing..."

Jungkook looks at Jimin fondly. His heart did backflips in his chest as he cups the older's face. "She loves it Jimin, I know she does."

Jimin smiles so wide his eyes turn into small crescents. He leans up to place a kiss on Jungkook's nose. 

The thought of Jimin meeting his family crosses his mind for some reason, even though it's impossible. Jimin being so comfortable with him that he let him meet his mother, in ashes or not, made him melt. His heart thumps in his chest as he listens to Jimin explain the meaning behind some paintings.

Sleep doesn't come easily. Jimin sleeps quietly next to him while his eyes are wide open, watching the ceiling in deep thought. For the first time in years, he feels sad. Sad about the feelings he thought he hid away so intricately. Sad about things he couldn't control, sad about his undesired fate, sad about his broken past.

The last time his cried was when he was 9 years old and broke down next to Yoongi in the training camp because of how overwhelming it got. He still remembers how the older had consoled him, even though he knew nothing about the younger, he still held him.

His vision starts to get blurry and no, he can't be crying. He can't cry. He wasn't weak. He blinks the tears away and closes his eyes. It's been years for god's sake, he's been trained to forget, to move on. So why then, why when things were starting to make sense, when he started to feel comfortable for once.

That's one thing Jimin shouldn't know. Because whatever's bottled up should stay there, no matter how painful. That was the whole point wasn't it? To avoid the pain, avoid the memories, avoid getting too close to people, avoid anything that would make him feel. But why?

As he opens his eyes just a crack to see the sleeping man next to him, he feels. He feels a lot right at once, and he couldn't stop it. When he scoots closer and puts his arm around Jimin's waist and cuddles closer, he feels comfort, content. So why? Why can't he feel more?