D E S P E R A D O

twenty six

Jungkook leans back on the car, still not quite used to WHY THE HELL JIMIN DROVE THAT FAST AS IF THERE WAS NO RISK. Anyway, this time Jungkook was nervous because of something else. "Kook you look more nervous than I am."

"Stop looking at me and concentrate on the road. I don't want to die like this."

Jimin just chuckles as if Jungkook said the best joke ever (which he didn't, he was being completely serious) but concentrated on the road like the younger ordered nonetheless.

"It's just... been a while since I saw him and his approval means a lot to me..." Jungkook admits, realizing for once that bottling it up won't achieve anything.

"I'm sure he'll love me-"

"The only thing he knows about you is that you tried to kill me countless times, you're bat shit crazy and you kidnapping me."

"Well..."

Jungkook finally laughs, feeling nervousness fade away at Jimin's lack of even trying to justify himself. "It's okay, we're kind of used to people trying to kill us."

"At least that's there! I'm sure it'll be fine baby." Jimin reaches his hand to the passenger seat and takes Jungkook's hand.

Jungkook feels at ease holding onto Jimin's warm hand. Everything will be okay. You'll be fine. You're fine. You're fine on your own. You don't need anyone- oh. He grits his teeth trying to get that voice out of his head, but it's persistent.

You're better than this.

You don't need him.

The car comes to a halt and so does his thoughts. "You okay Kookie?"

"Huh? Yeah. Just... nervous." He lied, but it doesn't slip out as easy as it used to. You can't do anything right.

Why here, why now? He can't think about that right now.

He steps out of the car, swallowing a lump in his throat and registering his surroundings. They were at the parking of one of the finest restaurants in Seoul. This is his first time he would be seeing Yoongi since he got back with Hoseok. They decided to "double date" (courtesy of Hoseok) and have dinner together when they arrived.

He wanted Yoongi to like Jimin, to approve of them, to truly feel happy for Jungkook. But there was also a part of him that wanted Yoongi to not approve, make them break up and take Jungkook with him to wherever he was going next. 

Maybe he was scared or maybe it was that voice in his head which returned, telling him that he didn't need anyone, that he was meant for bigger things in life. He pauses in his steps and looks at the man next to him, Jimin makes him happy doesn't he?

"They're already here, look."

Jungkook follows the older's line of sight to see the pair sitting at the very corner of the vip section. They seemed to be immersed in light hearted conversation, smiling at each other sweetly. God he missed Yoongi.

"Hyung!" he calls when they near. 

Yoongi stands up and gives him a gummy smile, gladly accepting Jungkook's hug which he would usually shy away from.

"Jiminie~" Hoseok trills and hugs the older as well. 

Jungkook heard the others whisper, never quite catching what they're saying but he didn't want to eavesdrop when he was supposed to be talking to Yoongi. 

"How was Hong Kong hyung?"

"It was great actually, only because of Hoseok. Did some work and then acted like a spy for the Jung clan after you told me you got thrown out. Seojun betrayed you and I betrayed him for you, tit for tat." the older grins.

"You're the best hyung."

Yoongi humbly swats his hand. "I left that motherfucker now. Joining the Jung clan with Hobi." 

"I'm happy for you."

Maybe he should do that too. Just say fuck everything and join Jimin, but is he really ready to get that invested? Is he dependent on Jimin? He doesn't need anyone right? He's fine on his own.

"You okay there Jungkookie?" Yoongi asks after seeing him space out for a second.

"Uh yes hyung, let's just sit yeah?" he replies looking away.

The older didn't seem convinced. It was never easy to lie to Yoongi anyway. With all they've been through he can read Jungkook like a book, even after the high level training he got. The memory of him crying alone in bed with Yoongi comforting him flashes through his eyes. Of course Yoongi noticed, the voice in his head bringing a similar reaction out of him as it did back then.

The night went by quite smoothly. They ate, they talked. Jimin spoke like he could talk for days. The conversation switched easily, leaving no room for awkward silences. This eased Jungkook, until Yoongi asked to have a private conversation with Jimin, leaving Hoseok and Jungkook at the table.

"Don't be too worried Jungkookie, he's probably just going all big brother on him." The latter consoles him.

"Shouldn't you be doing that to me then?" Jungkook asks. 

"I'm not the one dating a crazy person." 

"I don't think he's crazy-"

"Just because the devil has a soft spot for you doesn't mean they're not the devil anymore Jungkook-ah." Hoseok informs, wisely.

"So you're saying I should be careful."

The latter thinks for a second. "I'm saying... the devil has a soft spot for you."

Both of them look forward to see Jimin sneaking a glance at Jungkook and smiling fondly. Seemed like their talk was going well. 

"You know a few months ago I would've asked you to be careful-" Hoseok speaks up again.

"A few months ago he was trying to kill me." Jungkook interrupts.

"If there's one thing I know about Jimin is that when he sets out to do something he doesn't hesitate. If he wanted to kill you, you would be dead."

"Then why didn't he?"

"Same reason why he trusts you with things even Taehyung doesn't know. I would say if you break his trust he will kill you, but I don't think he has it in him to hurt you."

Jungkook frowns, not really seeing the older's point. "What are you getting at?"

"I can see it in you Jungkook-ah. Hesitance, fear... Yoongi doesn't tell me anything but I know he sees it too. You're not an angel Jungkook nor are you the damsel in distress, but I know that nothing is achieved by preventing yourself from falling." a pause. "My point is that Jimin trusts you, I can see it. So stop thinking so much, what does your heart say?"

Jungkook knew exactly what it was saying. Jimin. It was chanting Jimin over and over again. Skipping beats, stopping, speeding up. Doing absolutely everything to let Jungkook know how it felt.

That night when Jungkook slept on Jimin's chest, letting his hair be stroked and brushed by the older's fingers, he realized he needed to find peace. Once and for all. Needed to let Jimin know that he was letting himself fall, letting himself trust.

And if Jimin was the devil then so be it. Let's rule hell together.