Not Looking Back

Chapter 26

Lily's P.O.V.

Wowowowowow. When I came to visit Brandon it's because I thought he was sick or something since he forgot our plans.

Little did I know he would be secretive and discreet. And his room was a mess. I did not picture Brandon being that kind of guy.

Oh but when he kissed me, in just his boxers, I melted. His body is perfection. He's a toned guy and not that muscular, which it great. His back muscles when he turned to go to the bathroom; Jesus give me strength. And his broad shoulders. I didn't want to stop kissing him; I wanted all of him. But I couldn't. No no no. I can't commit myself to a guy, especially when I have that plan with Charlie.

Oh but dear is my confusion gone. I like Brandon Arrington. I like him with all my heart and I swear I can feel myself loving him already.

There's just that nagging feeling about him not telling me anything. I saw the blood on the walls. Looked kinda fresh to me. And the pills!! I hear him still changing in the bathroom so I quietly walk over to the drawer where he hid the bottles. I open it with such care and see more bottles. Some empty, some full. I take a bottle and look at what it is. There are weird names that I didn't know existed. I have no idea what these are for but he's instructed to take one three times a day? I take a mental note of the names, vowing to search them up when I get home. I hear the bathroom door opening, so I close the drawer and leap back to where I was standing.

Brandon comes out in some khaki pants that fit him below his hips and a gray long sleeved sweater; very simple but so effective. He looks amazing. His hair is kinda wet so I'm sure he styled it to his usual greaser way.

"Oh you can sit on my bed Lily." He commences to picking up all the stuff from the floor and putting it back to the desk.

"Let me just clean my room real fast."

"No problem." I hoarsely whisper. It's like I haven't used my voice in ages. He continues cleaning by picking up his clothes and throwing them in a laundry basket. He finally sits down next to me.

"Sorry about earlier Lily," he apologizes.

"About what?" I act all dumb.

"You know...the uhh kiss?"

"Oh. Why do you have to apologize. It's not like I didn't enjoy it," I take a risky measure by saying that.

I see Brandon blush. He gets up and start organizing his desk. Sorting papers and fixing his books when a picture frame falls to the floor. Brandon is quick to pick it up, but I'm quicker.

When I turn it over I see a picture of Brandon and a slightly older guy right next to him. It was taken like a selfie and they kind of look alike so I assume they're brothers.

"Is that your brother?" I ask.

He snatches the picture away from me.

"That's not of your business."

"It was just a simple question Brandon. Jesus. You guys look alike so I figure-"

"Don't 'figure' anything!" he says mockingly, "it's not like he's here anyways." He sighs and I can tell he's calmed down. I'm beginning to feel like Brandon has some anger issues. Maybe that's what the pills are for...

"Did he move out? Or is he in college?" I ask annoyingly.

Brandon sets down the picture on his desk, giving it such an affectionate look that it seems he's about to cry.

"That was my brother James...he was 2 years older than me. My mom would always be surprised that we always got along with each other. But she just didn't understand. James and I, we always understood each other. We always understood each other's pain. But a little while back we started drifting apart and fighting so much that he threatened to move out. He had just graduated and was attending UCLA. I always thought that it was the stress of college that was getting to him. I guess I'll never know..."

It takes me a few a seconds to build up the courage to ask, even when I had a feeling I knew the answer.

"Where's James now?"

"He always said there was something special about me. I never believed him, but maybe he was right. I am special. I'm probably the only person in the world who manages to fuck everything around him."

I sit there confused. Did he just ignore my question? Or was that his answer in a cryptic sort of way?

It looks like he snaps back to reality as if he's been daydreaming this whole time.

"Lily I don't mean to be rude but can you please fuck off?"

I am taken aback for a second but I'm getting used to his remarks. I get up and start walking towards the door, contemplating whether or not I should say something before I leave.
I open the door and step out. I can feel his breathing on my back. I feel his lips on my left ear, but I'm too afraid to look back.

"James isn't with us. He hasn't been for two months now. He's ten feet under the ground," he whispers in such a raspy, malignant voice that I would never imagine as Brandon in a million years. He slams the door shut, the noise echoing in my ears. I'm walking down the stairs when I hear ruckus in Brandon's room.

"FUCK YOU!!" he screams furiously at who knows what, or who know who. The next "fuck you" is different though. It's yelled in a tone of exhaustion and sadness.

"Fuck you for leaving me James. Fuck you for leaving me in a world so cruel as this one."