Not Looking Back

Chapter 9

Charlie's P.O.V.

Words can't describe how happy I feel when I'm with Lily.

And guilty.

Words also can't describe how guilty I feel when I'm with Lily.

But I push the guilt away. I always do.

We're in my car on the way to some Italian restaurant I suggested. I would have went with a French one, but I don't know of any. I guess you could call this a date, on my point of view. I'm sure Lily thinks the same. Heh, I know she thinks the same.

"Here we are," I state while opening the car door for her. She whispers a quiet thank you like she did when she first got into my car. I notice little things like that. I'm about to close the door, when I see that pink present I bought and wrapped for...

Forget it. I'll eventually give it to her. Not now. I won't think any of it. I'm just going to start feeling guilty, and I really don't want anything to ruin this day.

We enter the restaurant, and I pull out a chair for Lily to sit on. What can I say, the ladies love gentlemen. The waiter comes over and gives us our menus. Damn is she fine. I stare at her for a few more seconds until I make myself come back to reality. I turn to Lily and I see that she has the thoughtful look that she had in Physics. When I asked her about, she told me she was just tired, but I didn't swallow that bullshit, not even for a second.

"Lily, what ya thinking about there?" I ask once again.

"Ohh nothing Charlie. I just had a long day today in school, and I really appreciate that you're taking me out for...well dinner I guess," she giggles. I see the good old Lily for just a second more until she fades back into the contemplative Lily I'm starting to despise.

Our food arrives, and my mouth literally starts to salivate with the aroma of the Fettuccine Alfredo I just ordered. Lily ordered simple spaghetti, but she doesn't change her expression. She either doesn't love food as much as I do, or whatever happened to her today really took an effect on her.

"You aren't hungry Lily?" I ask with worry.

"No I am," she smiles and starts eating like if nothing ever happened. God Lily why can't you let me under your skin? We ate in silence for the rest of the "date." Just the way I was looking to spend my day with her.

I pay the bill and we leave the restaurant without a word. We enter my car and literally sit in more silence, for at least five minutes. I finally start the car and head towards her house. Every now and then I glance a look towards her to see if her expression has changed, but it never does. She has her hand balled up into a fist, which supports her head while she looks out the window. I remember when she told me how she felt like a traitor getting a ride from me. Is that what she's thinking now? I dismiss the stupid idea. Of course not. She is still stressing from whatever she's been thinking about since fifth period.

I reach her house and park on the curb. I turn off the engine and right when Lily's about to open the car door, I clear my throat. She immediately freezes.

"Lily what's wrong? Really, you haven't been yourself all day."

"Do you think I'm annoying?" she blurts out.

The question catches me off guard. "What? Of course not. I think you're a really fun person to be with. Super outgoing.."

"Well Mr. Brandon sure as hell thinks I am!" she disgustingly says.

"Who the fuck is Brandon?" I ask all confused. I have no idea who on earth Lily is talking about.

"It's this new kid in my AP Chem class. I tried to become his friend, but he just said to stop talking to him because he thinks I'm annoying and that really hurts my feelings and it's like I just wanted to be his friend but he doesn't even like me as a person to begin with," she finally admits.

Wow. This is what has invaded at least one-fourth of her day?

"Well," I whisper, "he's a fool to think that. You are an amazing person." I have closed in on Lily while saying this. It's now or never. I stare at her honey colored eyes for a few seconds and then I dive into it. I finally dive into the kiss I have been waiting an eternity for. Our lips are sealed together, sending emotions through me that I didn't even know were possible. I start to move my hand to her face, when I feel two palms push against my chest and break me away from this amazing kiss.

"Lily.." I start.

"I'm sorry Charlie, but I just don't feel the same way."

And she leaves my car.

She just said no to me.

She said no to Charlie Delinger, and no one says no to me. No one.