Not Looking Back

Chapter 30

Charlie's P.O.V.

So apparently Lily is going to homecoming with Brandon.

What the actual fuck.

But I don't like him Charlie. Oh no we're just friends Charlie. Yeah well if you were just "friends" you wouldn't be going to homecoming with him! You'd be going with me! But this proves what I have been eyeing lately...

Lily doesn't like me. She doesn't like me at all. Any feelings that she once had are now completely gone and her full attention is directed towards Brandon. The question, however, lies in why she would still talk to me and flirt with me. I mean we made out not so long ago! It's not like Brandon doesn't like her; that fucking weirdo is all over her, so why the fuck don't they just hook up?

I have never been so confused in my life. She said she hated me yet she was quick to forgive. She obviously likes Brandon but she hooks up with me. There's something weird about all of this and I plan to find out what it is.

But for now as I sit in history class and my best friend Jason stares at me while I stare at the hottest chick in this class, I can't help but wonder, how on earth will I ask Janiera to homecoming? She looks wonderful right now, her long, dark, red hair flowing down her exposed back; her toned legs that shake while she writes; she's hands down the hottest in this class and she's the one I want in bed homecoming night.

I've never messed with her, never even tried to flirt with her but whenever she looks at me, I know she's attracted to me. We talk once in a while, so I can't make her homecoming proposal big because I don't know her that well. Maybe a rose or something special. Something that will definitely attract her to me. All I want is someone to fuck homecoming night; the next morning I can get back to figuring out Lily.

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so fucked up in the head. These girls have feelings and just because I can't experience anything, should not mean I have the right to mess with them like that. I don't know. Why don't I just leave Lily alone. Cut her off and continue the lifestyle I was enjoying before she came into my life.

Because of your ego Charlie. It always gets the best of me and I just can't accept defeat. I can't digest the fact that a girl is gonna trump me like that. Hell no.

Not ever, not now.

*********

Well today's the day. Janiera will say yes to me today. Or no, but let's be fucking honest here, it's a yes. I lock my car and leave the roses inside. I don't need people questioning me right now in the early morning, especially Lily. I'll take them out after zero period.

As I enter zero period, I see Lily already asleep on her desk. No chill. This girl has no chill. Either way I'll be in the same position in less than five minutes.

I hear the monotone voice slowly transforming into a voice I know too well: my mother's drunken voice. The voice I feared as a child but later on came to loathe and eventually just ignore.

"Charlie! Didn't I tell you to go to bed! Jesus Christ it's really late! You make me regret having you boy!"

I ran away to hide under my bed. It was only 5 p.m. but with my mother drunk and high off of her prescriptions, time was not of importance. Her delusions clouded her mind and destroyed my life.

I jolt up simultaneously wiping the drool off of my mouth. I don't when I'll stop having those memories pop up as dreams. They say reoccurring dreams happen for a reason but honestly I don't see a reason. My mother is a crazy drunk who passed on her genes to me and to top it off, I don't feel any pity for her. She gets what she deserves. And if she was gonna hate me so much, she should have just not had me. See if I care.

I look up at clock. How come a ten second dream took an hour in real life. I guess my mom is not the only one who has time problems. As I pack up my stuff I remember I have to grab the flowers and go find Jani before first period begins. So while my teacher turns around to answer a kid's question, I slip out of class and go to my car, retrieving the bouquet of fresh red roses. Finding Jani will be really easy; she always hangs out in front of the English hall, well not that I know.

As I approach that hall, I see a perfect opportunity. Janiera's friends have all left, I assume to go to their lockers, leaving Jani all by her vulnerable self. I walk up to her, chest puffing out, my arrogant walk coming into place. She sees me and immediately all her blood rushes up to that pretty, little face of hers.

"Hey Jani," I say with a smirk.

"Hi Charlie," she says, avoiding eye contact. I got this girl in the bag. I see her twirling her hair, looking up at me every once in a while. I pull the bouquet of roses from behind my back and I see her smile gleefully.

"I know we don't really talk and stuff, but would you like to go to homecoming with me?" I ask with so much confidence that even I can hear it.

"I...I..." she said so nervously and gleefully at the same time,"Charlie, sorry but no thanks. I don't want to go to homecoming with you."

What the fuck. Okay what the actual fuck is going on.