Fearless (1 of 3)

Fearless togehter

I am sorry people but this will be a bit sad. I tried to not go into too much detail here and just rushed over the topic but we all know it had to be mentioned...

Summer...

"This is pointless." Newt behind me mumbled while I was looking around the walls. Number six. Huh, this was here already about a week ago. Should it mean something? Newt's complains and remarks weren't helping in the slightest. He's been like this for some time already and it is getting on my nerves. 

I still like him so much but really he's been so negative. And he wouldn't talk to me. Like when I would talk to him normally about the weather or something he is fine but when I get to the topic of his weird behavior he just sends me away. Usually in a grumpy tone telling me to go talk with either Minho or Alby because I seem to be so much closer to them than I am to him. 

This hurt me every time. Because he means so much to me and I so want to help him. But...I don't know how if he won't let me. Winston said that I should give it some time that maybe he will come to his senses or that it is just a stage of his. I want to believe him because Winston is a great friend and would never lie but I still have this feeling this might end badly. 

Newt suddenly walked past me going into one of the corridors and I of course followed. It is not safe to roam the maze alone. He seemed to be so deep in thoughts. I jogged over to him and put my hand on his shoulder startling him a bit. 

"Hey, you okay?" His eyes softened when he saw me but then turned cold again and he shrugged my hand off. 

"I'm fine." He mumbled and continued down the corridor. I am getting so fed up with him just pushing me away all the damn time. I forcefully turned him around so he had to face me now and I gripped onto his hands to keep him in place. 

"But you don't look fine. You look horrible. You are always so down and I shucking want to know why! I want to help you Newt." I pleaded, looking straight into his deep brown eyes. I love those eyes so shucking much. Why does he not see that? Or maybe he does and he just doesn't like me like I like him. But I still want to help him. I need to help him. 

"There is no way you can help me, Summer. Just let it go!" He said pushing me slightly away but I had a strong hold on his wrist, keeping him from leaving. 

"No, Newt. I want to help and I can. I know I can, I just need you to tell me what's wrong." Newt frowned slightly at me and pushed me away harder, this time successfully parting me from him. 

"Why do you even care huh?" He demanded in an angry tone. I didn't know how to answer him and when it took me too long to answer he just shook his head and sprinted away. Leaving me alone. 

"Because I like you..." I whispered under my breath. Slowly breaking apart. 

That was almost three weeks ago. That day might have been the worse day of my life. Everything that happened after that was my fault. It was all my fault and I feel terrible about it. If I just were stronger. If I were a bit braver. If only I wouldn't be such a wuss and told him I like him. Everything might have been different now. 

I still can't fully accept what happened. So many questions and regrets are piling up on me. Why did I run after him right away? Why did I just stand there crying my eyes out instead of making sure he was alright? How is it possible that I didn't think about looking on the walls when I couldn't find him? 

The gladers keep telling me it was not my fault. Alby himself said that I shouldn't be blaming myself, but it is hard not to when I was the last one he talked to. I was the last one to be with him before he jumped.