symbiosis » levi ackerman

chapter six ; confessions.

Fallan

"My brother." I spoke, my voice shaking slightly, "They're mostly of my brother."
Levi nodded his head, signalling me to go on.
"He died. Years ago. Went out one night and never came back, found his body floating through the village river. Never did find out what happened to him." I took another breath, steadying myself. The knot in my stomach was growing more and more with every word. I gulped down another breath.
"Most nights he's there - in my dreams. I try to help him but I can't get there quick enough. And when my brother isn't there, it's the Titans. I either watch my brother or my comrades die, every single night." I felt my voice begin to break, but I didn't try to stop it. In that moment, I didn't care if Levi thought I was weak. I felt my eyes begin to well up as tears threatened to spill - but I wouldn't cry in front of him. I drew the line there. I rolled my shoulders and straightened my back. I looked towards Levi, who was staring at me as expressionless as ever.
"What was his name?" Levi asked.
"Edward. Edward Reid."
He nodded and reached for his cup.
"He'd be proud of you, you know."
"I did this all for him. The Scouts was his dream. I didn't want it to die just because he did." I replied, smiling at his comment. The knot of anxiety was replaced by a swell of pride.
"And what was your dream?"
I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise at Levi's question. It had stumped me.
"Uhm- sorry, my dream? Well I-I mean... I never quite..." I stammered, stumbling through in an attempt to collect my thoughts. I'd never even thought of it. "I don't know."
Levi let out a low hum, which I took as an amused acknowledgment.
"You're telling me you never wanted to be anything as a child?" he asked playfully. I furrowed my brows, thinking back to my childhood. As the daughter of wealthy parents, there weren't many decisions that hadn't already been made for you. My whole life had been dictated for me, my only real act of defiance had been joining the Survey Corps.
"I never really cared much for anything my parents tried to force on me. I remember sneaking away from piano lessons and hiding in the library." I gazed off into the distance, smiling fondly at the memories.
"Piano lessons? Ah, it all makes sense now - you come from money."
I snapped out of my daydream, shaking my head hastily. I never liked to reveal my family's status to anyone in the Corps.
"Nothing like that. We lived comfortably." I was eager to move the conversation topic on from my family's riches. It's not that I was embarrassed, or ashamed, I just tried to remain humble about my upbringing. "Anyways, tell me more about you. What was your childhood like?"
The question seemed to unsettle Levi, as he waved his hand in a dismissive manner.
"Another time."
I began to protest but he cut me off midway through.
"I'm sure I will tell you. Not now."
I closed my mouth and leaned back in my chair, deciding to respect his privacy. I suddenly felt rather embarrassed about revealing so much to a someone who was basically a stranger. I fought back a yawn and rubbed my now bleary eyes. Levi tilted his head in the direction of the door.
"Go on. Sleep." he said, the ghost of a smile lingering slightly on his lips. I decided not to argue as fatigue seeped its way into my bones, making my body feel heavy. I stood up and yawned, stretching upwards. I made my way towards the door, but stopped as I passed Levi, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you." I smiled - he simply nodded in response and sipped his tea.

My feet felt heavy on the walk back to my room, but they carried me to my bed nonetheless. I collapsed onto the soft mattress, whatever was in that tea had worked. I made a mental note to ask Levi where he'd bought it from. So much for distancing.
As I lied on my back and stared at the ceiling, I recounted the events of the evening. I'd opened up more to Levi than I'd ever opened up to anyone - even Benjin. Then again, no one had ever really been that interested. I hadn't felt uncomfortable when Levi pried. Nervous - yes, but never uncomfortable. I had always viewed myself as a private person, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just lonely.
After the initial embarrassment of revealing myself to someone like that, it had almost felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I hadn't had to deal with the burden of my emotions alone for once.
My eyelids began to droop, their weight becoming too much for my tired eyes to handle. I closed them and felt myself begin to drift off to sleep.
And for once,
The nightmares never came.