symbiosis » levi ackerman

chapter forty; acquiesce

This chapter is dedicated to sparrow_seed 
for inspiring me to write with their comments :') Please check out their books too, they are masterpieces!!!

Fallan

After finally calming myself down, I returned to the group with my head held high. I was fed up of being apologetic for my actions - I wouldn't let myself regress back to the weak woman I was before. Their conversations hushed as they saw me walk down the stairs to where the carriages were waiting, and all eyes were on me once again. I didn't bother to stop, and headed straight for my carriage. I didn't need to explain myself to any of them; I'd rather end up fired than in a grave.
I stepped inside and sighed, letting my body slump against the plush upholstery. I could only keep up this pretence for a little while. Truthfully, I wasn't strong at all. I was weak, but I wouldn't let anyone else see that. I wanted to run into Levi's arms and break down, I wanted to tell him everything. Maybe he could protect me from Kenny, or whoever else was after me - but it was too big of a gamble. I had to stay alive to avenge Edward, but selfishly, I wanted to stay alive for myself too. There were too many unsolved mysteries my brain couldn't quite figure out, and I'd never be able to rest peacefully in my grave knowing there was so much left unsaid.
The carriage door opened once more and my head shot up in surprise, the train of thought I'd drifted into was interrupted abruptly. Levi stepped in and shuffled into the seat opposite, and I felt my face twist into a scowl.
"Don't blame me, Erwin's orders." He grumbled, crossing his arms and staring out of the window.
"If he's sent you here to try and gather information, it won't work."
"Actually, I think he's sent me here to see if you're okay."
I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out.
No, I'm not okay you idiot. Why can't you see that already?
"I'm fine." I whispered, letting my gaze fall to my lap.
He grunted in response, and we were plunged into an awkward silence that felt almost suffocating.
"This was a stupid idea." Levi grumbled as the carriage set off.
"What was?"
"This. Us."
Ouch.
I stared at him for a moment in shock, before letting my gaze fall to my lap. I didn't want him to know how deeply his words had cut me. Was he really calling our relationship a mistake over one argument?
"Oh." I mumbled, unable to keep the waver of emotion that tinted my tone.
"If you won't let me in, how is this going to move forward?"
"I have let you in." I snapped in annoyance, shooting him a furious glare, "Just because we are together doesn't mean you need to be privy to everything that goes on in my life."
"You're being selfish." He tutted, his cold gaze meeting mine.
"You are unbelievable." I laughed at him in disbelief. "Our first argument and you're already threatening to call it quits - your first instinct was to scold me instead of asking how I was, which you then only did because the Commander ordered it so! And yet, somehow; I'm the problem here?"
Levi looked at me for a moment, but surprisingly I did not see his eyes fill with anger as I'd expected.
"You know I am not an understanding man, nor am I a patient one." He began quietly.
"Then learn."

We rode the rest of the way in silence. I decided to permanently put a ban on travelling with Levi, because it seemed to be the root of our arguments, but that wasn't right. The carriages weren't the source of our arguments - I was. Maybe I was asking too much of him?
No.
I expected nothing of him but the bare minimum, and the fact he couldn't do that wasn't my fault. Sure, I knew what I was getting when I got myself involved with this man, who had the emotional availability of a pebble, but for some reason I'd hoped he'd change.
How stupid of me.
When the carriage stopped, I scurried off quickly to avoid the questioning I knew was waiting for me. I'd deal with it all tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, which would probably be more like a night lying awake tossing and turning.
The joys of insomnia.

A/N
HELLO :)
Short chapter because I felt bad for not updating; college has been kicking my arse but I'm trying to update as frequently as I can!
I won't lie I've lost a lot of motivation to write :'( but hopefully that will fade and I'll start to love this book again!