| LIFE WITHOUT YOU | ✔

«LWY10»

I wake up, looking at my ceiling. Everything seems to be coming together honestly.

"Get up, why are you looking at the ceiling?" Mama walks in. "Nothing, I'm just thinking."

"Okay, can you think later? You're going to be late." She turns to the door but then turned back to me.

"Whose house are you going to?"

"Qahhar Haroon, he's a leukaemia patient."

She shakes her head with pitiful face. "He's going to die then."

"Not necessarily, I hope he doesn't." I stand up, stretching. "Is he good looking?"

She asks placing her hands on her waist. "Mama! Yes." I smile.

"I hope he gets better."

"Me too, he's very nice to me." She nods. "Hurry then." I rush to the bathroom so I could perform my ablution.

*******

"Qahhar." I call him when I enter the house. "I'm here." I follow his voice to the backyard. It has a gazebo with a table and chairs, surrounded my flowers.

"How are you?" I ask sitting down, opposite him. Qahhar looked paler than usual.

"Okay, the news of this country is becoming depressing." He keeps his newspaper on the table.

"Welcome to Nigeria!"

"Why are you so jubilant?" He leans back, clasping his hands.

"Nothing. Just woke up on the right side of the bed." I smile, closing my eyes. "You're flirting with me again."

I shake my head, opening my bag to take my book and pen. "Dream on. Is their any changes on how you're feeling?"

"Just fatigue and losing my appetite once in a while."

I jot it down. "Okay."

"Is it getting better or worse?" He asks out of the blue. I look at him.

"Tell me the truth, be straight forward."

I sigh, keeping the jotter down. "You're getting worse, your leukaemia cells are growing."

He nods. "Okay." I feel bad saying that. "How about we make our day better? Spicier."

"How? As long as we don't go out today."

I nod. "We're not going out, we'll bake something." I clasp my hands excitedly but Qahhar raised a brow.

"Baking?"

"Yeah, its fun and you eat it after. A win win."

He sighs, looking at the pond. "Sure, I want to know what's so fun about it." He says his eyes fixated on the fishes that swam.

"Shall we?"

He snaps out of it, smiling weakly. I nod, trying to ignore it so I wouldn't cross my boundaries.

We walk to the kitchen and wore our aprons. "You know how to bake?"

"Ye......yes. No....yes."

"You're not sure? You're hilarious, you know that right?" He ties his apron before walking to me.

"I know but I just need to google a bit so I can remember. It has been a long long time since I baked last."

I pull out my phone, googling it. "When last?"

"Two years and a few months. "

"Okay, what type of cake are we baking?"

"Three step cake, each step with a different flavor like vanilla, chocolate or velvet."

I keep my phone, my eyes meeting with his. "Let me." He ties the rope around my waist. I look at him focused on the rope. I don't know why but I just felt something, nervousness? Anxiousness? Am I starting to have feelings for Qahhar.

"What's the next step?" He asks still looking at each other. "Um, gathering the ingredients and items."

He moves out of my way. "Thank you, do you know where the things are?"

"I have no idea. Only the fast foods and the fridge, that's my turf. You have to ask the househelps."

I nod. "Do you have a mixer? Cake mixer?"

He furrows his brows. "The thing that mixes the ingredients to become dough." I explain further.

"I don't know but there are some machines in the store, maybe it's apart of it. Come." He leads me to a hall with two doors.

He opens the one on the right then switches on the lights. There were boxes of machines and whatever. Its was dusty but neat neat at least.

"It must be here somewhere". He enters checking every box. "You keep this things, just like that?"

He shrugs. "I knew I would be treated by a doctor or a nurse so, I bought all of this to occupy my time. I tried baking, it didn't go well so I ditched it."

He brought out another box, checking it. "Wow, money must be good." I mutter, imagining if I was to do this and how mama would skin me alive.

I lean on the door. "Found it, needs to be washed." He takes the box out of the room to the kitchen while I followed behind.

"I'm going to wash it." I volunteer taking the box to the sink. "You don't have to, I want to."

"It would be weird for me to let you do it when I'm just inches away. I'm supposed to be taking care of you."

I turn on the faucet. "Thank you, you amuse me." He smiles, making me shrug. "I know."

I start rinsing the machine when I feel arms around my waist, pulling my body to his. His head placed on mine. I freeze, unsure of what to do. "Qahhar." I call his name, hoping he would let me go.

"Jus give me some time."

"You know, I'm a divorcee. I know how this works, jabir kind of used the same tactics." I smile weakly remembering how young we were.

"He let you go, I'm not. Only if I don't have a choice but to." I smile, his words flattering me. I sigh, closing my eyes. "We have things to make."

I manage to turn to look at him. His eyes boring into mine as I shift my eyes away. "The faster we get to it, the faster we finish." I glance up at him to find him looking at me.

My heart slowly starts beating faster, not sure whether my breathing changes or it's just me. He leans forward to kiss me. Move, don't. What are you doing? Move.

His soft lips placed on mine, feeling his tongue sliding into my mouth. It starts slowly, his arms placed by my sides on the counter. He kisses me passionately as I place my hand on his jaw.

********

I close my door, dropping my bag on the floor. I can't believe I let him kiss me. Let me rephrase. I can't believe I let my patient kiss me.

I threw myself on the bed, replaying it. Nothing else happened, only the kiss and it seems to be haunting me. I touch my bottom lip, remembering how he kissed it so passionately. I close my eyes and drop my hands to my sides.

I need to draw a line here. I won't continue doing this with my patient, I'll be professional. It won't ever happen again.

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