Breaking The Ice

11

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Should I be relieved or mad? Sa lahat ng katanungan na gusto kong ibato sa mundo, ito na ata ang pinakamahirap sagutin. Hinilot ko ang aking sentido at sinimulan muli magreview para sa huli naming midterm exams. 

"Bevvy, I'm worried. Kulang na lang magpalit kayo ng mukha ng reviewer" Elizabeth said while pouting.

"I'm okay Elizabeth" I said while skimming my reviewer.

"Seryoso ka ba? Wala kang gagawin?" she asked.

"I told you. I'm okay. Mag-review kana dyan. I need to ace this exam. This is my only chance to get out from the grip of my family" 

"Okay, sabi mo eh" she said then leaned back to her chair. Finally some silence! 

"Talaga bang hanggang graduation mo na lang ang kontrata ni Andrei?" or so I thought.

"Yes" I simply answered.

"Then you only have 4 months with him"

Pinatong ko sa lamesa ang reviewer at tiningnan si Beth.

"Elizabeth Ramirez, can't you see that I'm studying? If you are so curious about Andrei then why don't you talk with ate Tiffany? Puro kayo Andrei. I'm getting sick of it." I heaved a sigh then stood up. 

"I'm going to study somewhere else. Don't call me or text me. Don't even follow me. I need some space Beth" kinuha ko ang reviewer ko and stormed out of the student center leaving Beth with a stunned face.

Pagod na pagod na ako sa issue ko kay Andrei. I don't even want to see his face or hear his voice. Parang ayoko na nga intayin ang graduation. I just want to be free from him. 

Fck, I feel like crying again. After giving me a mini heart attack last week he suddenly surprised me with some news. Which ironically, I shouldn't be surprised when all along I knew there was something.

"I need to graduate soon" I muttered under my breath.

Nawala na ako sa mood mag-aral kaya I chose to grab a cab and went to a cafe in a rooftop. 

I need air. 

Pinatay ko ang cellphone ko dahil kanina pa ito tunog nang tunog. I guess nagsumbong si Beth kay Andrei. Shizz, he only has 4 months anyway. I think he should just chill and not worry about his job. 

As soon as I arrived at the cafe, I chose a seat near the railings. Gusto ko mang magreview pero wala na talaga ako sa mood. For this reason, I ordered three slices of red velvet cake. I just stared at the view. I wonder if I'm in a place this high will my mom hear me? 

To be honest, I haven't talked to mom or visited her grave for six years now. I just couldn't. But now, I just want someone to listen who won't cut me off when I speak or give me advice which I already know. A good listener is enough and maybe being here in a high place will help me talk with her. Luckily, no one else is here at the rooftop part of the cafe.

"Hi mom" I whispered and looked at the clouds.

"I'm sorry. I haven't talked to you for years. It was just so hard mom. I wish I could feel your warmth. Sabi ni ate Summer you were the warmest of them all and sorry if giving birth to me took all that warmth."

 I'm beginning to have a hard time speaking because my throat is aching that's why that afternoon I just cried and silently told my mom everything that has been troubling me. 

Maybe Andrei is really something. He made me do things I was so against in the past. And now, I even talked to my mother. Not even Hanz can do that, not even when my heart was broken. But, no matter how good he is in my life, I think I should let him go.