The Author | Amber X Reader | f(x) Fanfic |

Ten

I locked the door to my room and we sat down on the bed. I hid my shaky hand and faced him. "Promise me you won't freak out."

"That tone makes it seem like I would but I'll try my best not to." He smiled and put his hand on my cheek.

"Right. Thank you ... Second day of camp, Luna and I were running about at night before the showers. There was this abandoned clearing and she proposed this sort of ... like a hookup basically and I was ... curious so I ..." I let the picture perfect scenes from that night play in my head.

Us climbing that short tree. The moon lighting up her bleached blonde hair. Her eyes sparkling like the lake we were playing near. The mischievous smirk after our first kiss.

"We hooked up a few times. But during the second week, someone said they saw me with a girl from one of the other schools' teams." I ran my hands through my hair and lowered my head. "For the practice matches that week, the team threw away every save of mine. Of course, we lost a lot of the matches, you can't exactly win a game without using your libero. So the coach switched me with a substitute after a day and never called me again."

"They basically kicked you out of the team then?" He asked, putting his hands around me.

"They refused to practice with me. And continued to call me names. They won't stay in the same room as me. They won't sit with me. They won't talk to me. I didn't know how much more of that I could handle without breaking down in front of them." I sighed. "At least, Luna wasn't caught. She apologised for not standing up for me. But I can't help but have this resentment towards her."

"You talked to her after that?" He asked.

"Yesterday. Behind the auditorium. She asked me to come by her house at some point. I don't think I will. I can't do that right now." I admitted.

"Do you think you are..." He spoke after a few seconds of staying quiet.

"No. No. I can't be." I shook feverishly. "I am not. I am not ... that."

"Hey! Hey! Calm down. There's nothing wrong with being gay." He said softly.

"I don't mean that there's anything wrong with it. But I am not. I don't want to be. I am not ..." I pushed him away and stood up. "I am not." I repeated.

"It's okay. You're not. Okay. That's okay." He came closer and held my hands. "Like you said, there's nothing wrong with it even if you are, okay? I'll still love you, you're my best friend." He said.

"Everyone already thinks you're gay, it would have been fine if you were. But I am not." I got defensive.

"Yeah. They do. I understand how you feel when they treat you like that. They have been treating me like that for years." He was bitter at my dismissal of his experience.

"Oh shit! I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I am so sorry." I squeezed his hands as soon as I realised what I had said.

"No. I am angry too. It's not fun getting bullied by almost everyone around you. And it's not fun when your classmates try to ... never mind." He pressed his lips together and scoffed.

I embraced him tightly. "I am sorry for getting mad at you." He hugged me back.

"Though, I still don't know if I am gay. It's confusing." He chuckled and whispered. "I mean, girls are pretty but boys are too. Maybe I am bisexual? Maybe pansexual? I don't know yet."

I giggled. "Ah! Lend me your confidence!" I ruffled his hair.

"So what do you think?" He asked while pulling away.

"About what?" I asked as I sighed.

"About you. If I am going to fuck with the compulsory heterosexuality and binary gender structure, I want to do with you." He kissed my cheek and leaned his forehead against mine.

My smile faltering, I spoke, "I don't know. I don't want to be. It's not because I think it's bad, it's just that, I can't be, you know?"

He gave me a kind look and said, "I don't know, honey. But talk to me next time, instead of torturing yourself like this."

I nodded and looked at the light slipping in through the curtains.

"Now let me meet this Amber girl." He opened the door and walked out of my room. After a second, he looked back in. "Hey! Come on! You're going to have to introduce me." He held out his hand.

I took a hold of his hand and he pulled me downstairs and waltzed into the living room like a true queen.

"Amber, Taemin. Taemin, Amber." I introduced them and fell onto the couch, tired from trying to deal with reality.

"Hey! So you're the famous Amber." He shook her hand.

"Famous? Hardly!" Their energies synced up perfectly as the clock ticked away. I felt a pure good feeling sink into my chest for the first time in a while.

Hugs and kisses from Cheonsa.