Light Me Up

Chapter 16 : Hopelessly Hoping

3 months later

After 3 months Alaric told us about, a string of missing persons along the west coast. I couldn't believe it, Enzo wouldn't do that. Neither would Damon. It wasn't them, it couldn't be, but Stefan assured us it was. Maybe it was like him when he became the ripper due to Klaus. Maybe they weren't in control. It was our only lead so I went along with it, holding on to the little hope I had left, which to be honest wasn't a lot. We started tracking and doing research on the dead bodies, hoping it would provide some sort of clues or patterns.

I thought about Elena. What if she was in danger because of this. We had no idea what was going on with Damon and Enzo, and they both knew where she was. I took the money my dad left me and bought a small B&B in Brooklyn to move Elena's coffin to so she would be safe. It was in an isolated location, where no one would find it.

We all stayed at the Salvatore house a few days, working non stop to figure this out. But then Caroline had to go be with her girls. I knew I had to go too.

I found my way back home, to the cabin. Our cabin. I walked in, finding the mess we left when we were fighting the other day. Not knowing what else to do I cleaned up and replaced everything we broke. New table, new pillows, everything. As soon as everything was finished I found myself wanting to just break everything again.

"Damn it!" I yell, falling to the floor sobbing.

I couldn't sleep or eat, I missed Enzo more than anything. I sat at the counter staring at the spot where Enzo stood each night as he cooked us dinner and complained about my guitar playing. Where we use to do the dishes together which usually ended with both of us soaked, and the dishes still dirty. I lay awake staring at the spot on the bed where he used to lay beside me, when I would lay on his chest and he'd caress my hair and kiss me on my forehead. Where I'd help him when he had nightmares, and he'd help me with mine. If you'd told me before all this that Enzo would be the love of my life I'd probably laugh. It would've made no sense, but now thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. We saved each other.

I picked myself up and let out a sigh. I had to fight through this. There was still hope, I couldn't give up. He wouldn't.

Caroline went back to work and raising her girls. Stefan and I though, we didn't stop. It was his brother and my boyfriend and best friend. We couldnt stop. She made us promise we'd sneak in moments of normal everyday, which I tried. But even in those moments it just felt like going through the motions. My mind was still on Enzo. It was always on Enzo. Wondering how he was... was he alive... did he turn it off? For weeks it was the same story we found a lead but it ended up being a dead end. Nothing. I was slowly starting to give up. We decided to stop all writing about this in Elena's journals, and instead take turns each week. It was too depressing to write about our failure over and over again anyway. This week was mine.

Today when I woke up, I got ready and forced myself to eat. I eyed the guitar staring at me from the stand by the fireplace. I hesitantly walked over and picked it up, sitting down on the couch. It felt wrong without Enzo's commentary which I always found annoying, but now I missed it more than anything. I tried to stay positive, but it was hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life.

I started to strum the guitar hoping it would distract me. I started strumming harder when one of the strings broke. I looked at it for a second starting to choke up as I thought about Enzo again and how he used to fix the guitar every time I broke it, and that was a lot. I threw the guitar to the side angrily and buried my face in my hands, sobbing.