Pain Without Love (Complete)

27- Black

Milas mood was black, pitch black, the kind of black she couldnt fuck her way out of, the kind of black that screamed for Brent, screamed for release but she wasn't going to call, she couldn't call. His words from the previous night rang loud in her ears and she was tired of hearing them, tired of thinking about them, tired of feeling them.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to run away from ever aspect of her life but instead she sat there, frozen, staring down at her phone that had nothing but blackness on the screen

She hadn't wanted to go in to the room with Brent last night, but she had, she had been too weak to say no.

'So fuckin weak!'

Afterwards she had wanted to call Shawn but she hadn't, she'd been too scared of what was beginning to bubble under the surface at the thought of his name

'So fuckin scared'

She took a sip of her coffee and enjoyed the sting as the burning liquid scolded it's way down her throat.

God how she regretted bringing Shawn home that night and then seeing him again. She had never done that, never turned a one night stand into any kind of ongoing arrangement but with Shawn it had just happened so naturally.

'Shawn...'

The thought of his name made her chest glow red and everything south of her belly button to tense. God how she hated that feeling, how she hated any feeling but especially the good ones, the ones that weren't meant for someone like her, the ones that toyed with her, whispered optimistically that one day she would be good enough but that one day never came and she was sure it never would. She would spend her life running from and numbing herself to everything that held any promise. Taking another sip of her burning coffee she tied her long hair into a loose bun and then dropped her coffee cup into the sink, taking pleasure in watching it smash into hundreds of pieces

The knock at her door caused Mila to jump in such an animated fashion she was glad she lived alone. Clutching a hand over her terrified heart she walked over to it and pulled it open.

Shawn standing on her doorstep clutching coffee and a brown paper bag was the last thing she expected to see and if she thought her heart was racing before, it tripled in speed now.

Rolling her eyes, she faked a look of displeasure and then pouted her naked lips at him.

Rolling his eyes back at her, Shawn pushed his way in and headed for the kitchen

"Is it ever going to be good morning Shawn come in, or is it always going to be pout, pout, eye roll, eye roll, tut, tut?" he complained

"Well are you always going to turn up unannounced and unwanted?" She shut the door and put her hands on her hips as she walked towards him, watching him unpack his bag

"Unwanted?" he shook his head and breathed out a laugh "You wish you didn't want me"

God he was right. Just the sight of him in those blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt that clung to all the muscles and hard ridges of his body had her desperately trying to forget Brent's words and drag him to the bedroom

"What are you doing here?" She forced out of her mouth whilst attempted to force all the x rated thoughts of him out of her brain

"Breakfast... The meal before lunch... Most important of the day, ring any bells?" She wanted to laugh at how cute he was being trying to pretend he wasn't intimidated by her but instead she found herself smiling at just how cute he was in general

"Are you smiling at me?" he asked with a fake look of shock plastered to his face

"Of course not, I'm smiling at that chocolate thing in your hand, it looks good"

"Not as good as you" it hung in the silence for a good 30 seconds as they gazed at each other, each afraid to look away first, afraid to break the moment but of course, as with every perfect moment in her life, Mila set out to destroy it

"You can leave the food but then you can go"

"Why?" Shawn's gaze challenged her and she hated the way she wanted to back down to him

"Because I didn't invite you here, I have plans"

"What plans?" she knew he didn't believe her but for some reason she felt like a freight train hurtling down the tracks, unable to stop, preparing to decimate anything that lay in front of her

"With a guy... A date" he paused and then started to laugh

"Mila, I don't know what I have done this time, or why you want rid of me so badly but you should work on coming up with more believable lies. You 'don't date' remember, you told me that yesterday"

"Well what I meant was I 'don't date' you, this guy, I do date"

Shawn sighed heavily as he held out her coffee and she took it before dropping her gaze to the floor, he was being kind and sweet and she was being a bitch but he had to know, this was who she was and she was not what he needed in his life

"You know Mila, trusting me with something other than your body isn't as scary as you seem to think it is"

"My God, could your ego get any bigger? Shawn, I only want you for sex, when did I ever give you the impression it was anything other than sex??"

"Every time you look at me" His honesty felt like a blow to the guts and she knew he was right, she did look at him differently these days, she studied his face a little longer when they were together, allowed her gaze to drop to his lips when he was talking.

The night she let him stay after sex had been a mistake, she had let him hold her and she couldn't forget that feeling, how safe and protected he made her feel, she had been searching for that feeling her entire life and here it was, stood right in front of her with brown curls and golden eyes and she both wanted it and hated it.

Brent's words rang loud as a warning in her mind

'He's not the man for you'

Then who was because Brent didn't want her he had made that much clear and she didn't want anyone else, not like this, not for more than one night

"Mila..."Shawn stepped away from the kitchen counter towards her and she wanted to run. She felt the urge to say something awful, something that would make him walk out the door and never look back but her tongue was tied, no words would form in her throat as he reached out a hand and delicately touched her cheek

"I know this is new for you but please, let me take you out. Let me introduce you to 'Shawn' not the guy in the bedroom, the guy I am and let me meet Camila"

Milas heart pounded against her chest so hard she thought she might be having a heart attack

'let me meet Camila'

In her mind Camila was 10 years old and painfully shy, she was scared of life, scared of the sound of her own voice.

Who was Camila now? She had no idea

Who could Camila be to Shawn? She was terrified to find out

*PLEASE vote and comment