Pain Without Love (Complete)

41- The Last Day (Part 1)

Camilas eyes opened wearily, her sleep had been disjointed, her dreams dark and all consuming, looking to her left she saw Shawn lying fast asleep, the look of peace on his face making her envious and breaking her heart at the same time.

If only he knew how this day would end...

Brent's messages had been relentless, demand after demand, threat after threat and the knowledge that he had somehow got hold of her phone and added his number to it once more caused her heartbeat to pound erratically as her guts twisted and turned.

There was no other way...

God how she wished there was some other way.

Placing a kiss to Shawn's lips she slowly moved her way down his naked body, peppering every bit of his skin with kisses she hoped would last him a life time

Dropping down to his groin she placed kiss after kiss until she was sure he was awake but he lay there, silently still allowing her to take him and pleasure him one last time.

Moving back up his body she rested her chin on his chest as he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to him and kissing her hair.

"What was that for?" his voice was just a whisper, the volume kept down by the heaviness of sleep.

"Just so you know how greatful I am for you" she fought the emotion that was swirling through her, wanting to convey her feelings correctly so he would never forget what this had been to her and what it could have become. "I know we haven't been together properly for long but I just want you to know that I have been yours ever since I saw you in that bar"

"Camila..."

"I just... I want you to know because we never know what might happen, I might walk out of here and get hit by a bus and I don't want that to happen without you knowing that for me...this...its as close to love as I have ever been. It's everything I thought love was and I'm so glad I got to experience even this tiny taste of it with you"

"Why are you speaking as though it's in the past?"

"I'm not, at least I don't mean to. I just... I didn't sleep well, I'm emotional when I'm tired, apparently" looking into his face she pressed a heated kiss to his lips but when he reached for her hips to move her into a straddle position she resisted. "I have some work to do at the office but first I need to call my mom" she kissed his lips once more and then his forehead and his chin before finally dropping a kiss onto the skin of his chest, just above where his heart lay.

***************

"Mama, it's me Karla" Cassandra hesitated slightly, obviously taken aback by not only Camila's unusually timed phonecall but also the use of her birth name. The hesitation didn't last long though as once more her mother flew into a rage, this time it was over Camila calling so early, forcing an elderly woman in a wheelchair to struggle to her phone and then she moved on to the neighbour's and their new baby that did nothing but cry, oblivious to the needs of its elderly neighbour, the entire time Camila listened in silence, tears burning tiny rivers over her skin, waiting patiently for that one moment her mother would fall quiet and she could finally say what she had phoned to say and finally that silence came.

"Mama, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that I was never the daughter you wanted, I'm sorry I was such a disappointment and embarrassment to you, I never meant to be I promise. I have always loved you Mama, always wanted yoy to be proud of me"

"What are you up to Karla? When do you ever apologize or own up to anything you do?" Camila swallowed down her tears, wishing that just for once her mother would react differently to her, instead of brutal words and insults all she craved was a second of softness but that would never come, she had accepted that long ago but today... Today of all days she longed for her mother, for her to talk to her gently, to calm the torrent that was rushing her, the panic that was edging her closer and closer to the point of no return but Cassandra was deaf to wetness of Camilas voice, the desperation of her words so she threw another crass insult and slammed down the phone as Camila clung to hers desperately as sobs wracked her body and tears burned against her skin.

*************

Sitting at her dressing table, Camila curled her hair into 'Milas' trademark look before applying foundation, blusher, winged eyeliner and then her signature red lipstick. She wore leather pants with a black halter top and black Louboutin heels.

She looked amazing but had never felt more disgusting in her life. A message from Shawn had told her he would be over after work but she hadn't replied, unable to tell him she wouldn't be there and even more unable to accept the reason why.

Brent wanted one night with her, he wanted her completly at his control, anything and everything he asked for she would have to submit to and in return he would delete the photos and save her her the humiliation of everyone seeing what she was.

Only he wouldn't, she knew he wouldn't. He would take what he wanted with as much force as he wanted and then tomorrow it would start all over again. She would never be free of him, she would never get her happy ending with Shawn, that much she had accepted no matter what happened tonight, but she knew one thing, she wasn't giving in, she wasn't giving herself to him so he could spend the rest of her life haunting her from inside of her mind.

Standing up, she silently said a final goodbye to the girl Shawn had helped to reserect, Camila couldn't do what needed to be done, she was too weak, too soft she would cry out for Shawn and pray he would come and save her but she couldn't allow weakness, not tonight.

Walking from her bedroom she headed down the corridor into her kitchen, her strides were solid, her movements convident as she reached for her purse.

She left her cell phone and her house keys on the counter top before walking out of her apartment and shutting the door firmly behind her.

Heaving in a chest full of night air she looked into her purse, it was empty all except for one item and it lay at the very bottom wrapped in a red and white dishcloth.

A kitchen knife, her weapon, her only way to survive. Brent had hardened her, made her a fighter and right now she was about to fight