"Are you sure he will comeback?"
I looked into the window and plastered a smile
"He will comeback. Not today, not tommorow, but soon"
It was summer, when we both loose each
P'Earth was mesmerized by the view of Pattaya. We went for a walk this morning and he can't help himself but take photos of the scenery. He happily shattered his camera to the trees, to the crops, and the mountains. He glanced at me and even how wide his smile was, I gazed at his eyes and I felt the heaviness he was carrying on.
"Your place is so damn good, Win. You should've told me earlier about this" He muttered and went back to his business. I stared at him for the whole time and let him indulged himself from the scene.
"P'Earth, are you going back to Bangkok?" I said and P'Earth stopped from what he was doing
"Maybe Tomorrow. I still have a business to do so I have to come back as early as I can." He said, "Why?" P'Earth added and threw a smile at me "Is there any problem?"
I faced the prospect view of the mountain. I breathed heavily and answered him with unsureness in my voice "I'm just thinking to go back to Bangkok too" I replied and looked at him. P'Earth face was now full of confusion.
"You sure? I mean, it's still summer and schools aren't open yet. You still have months to spend with, Win. Bangkok isn't the right place especially when it's summer." He explained and went closer to my side. I sighed and just gazed at the scenery. I don't know what I'm going to do. For a minute, we are silent until the sound of a bicycle broke the chain of silence. I squirmed to see who it was and I saw Bright, staring at me straight from my eyes. As soon as I saw him, I remembered why I decided to went back to this place and spend the whole season. My chest was now heavier because of him. I can't explain what I feel right now. I'm happy, yes. Seeing him before made my mood lighter but today, It's different. What's wrong with me? He pedals the bicycle and I was left standing still. P'Earth tapped my shoulder and I smiled at him. He looks at Bright and shook his head
"That kid is still immature, isn't he?" Asked P'Earth
"Uhm, he is and I love him for that"
P'Earth gave me a smirked and we both laugh. But at one point, I'm starting to doubt myself. Do I really appreciate Bright to the point that I want to keep him? Or maybe because it was just an attachment that I feel for him? Because he's the only one who stands by my side when everything was falling apart. When I'm sad, When I'm happy, When I'm lonely. There are so many what-ifs running in my mind. I sighed and sat on the ground, rested my chin to my knees.
"You okay?" Asked P'Earth who's standing next to me. I glanced at him and nod weakly.
"Hey Win" he mumbled staring at the prospect view.
"Hmm?" I hummed and draw random stuff to the ground using a small branch of a tree.
"What if you lose Bright? What you will feel?" P'Earth asked still staring at the mountain.
"That's a random question, P," I said, "Of course, I will be sad if something bad happens to him."
"Why will you feel sad?"
I froze for a minute and I don't know how to respond to his follow-up question. Why do I feel sad? Of course, because....
"Because we are good friends" I can feel that P'Earth gazed at me. I'm not sure what I'm saying. This is so hard. I am totally confused about what I really feel for Bright. He deserves nothing but happiness.
It's summer, but why do I feel so cold inside?
**
Bright's
The sound of the waves was calming as I'm sitting on the white sand beach. Vacation has never been this good especially this time that I'm with Win. Waves are calm too. I stood up and went to the cottage and saw Win arranging our things.
"You okay?" I asked as I back hug him. He held my hands and smiled at me and hummed "Uhm, I am."
"Are you sure? We can go back to our room if you're not."
Why do I feel so strange? Is he really okay?
"Win"
"Uhm?"
"Are you coming back to Bangkok after summer?"
He stuttered and avoid my eye contact with him
"What are you saying?" He weakly asked and grab for water. I am prepared for his decision and I think, he will really leave me, again. But that's life. I can't force him to stay at my side because he also has his own life to live, he has his own problems to deal with. I don't want to be selfish. If that's what he really wants, I have no right to control and please him to stay. I grabbed his hands and went to the beach and walked calmly. It feels good because I'm with him. I feel calm, I feel safe. We continued roaming and our feet are embracing the water of the sea.
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"If you are hesitating to go back because of me, you don't have to," I stated and we stopped walking. He was speechless on what I thought but he completed his self and stated
"But Bright"
"You have the power to control and decide for yourself, Win." I smiled at him and tightened my hands into his and I gazed at him and smiled. He hugged me for a minute and I savor every second of it.
"Thank you for being a good friend of mine, Bright."
Right, a good friend.
**
Private blog posting
@brightvc
The waves are calming
Winds that blow on us was soothing
And my heart slowly ripping
I came prepared for this moment
He will eventually leave me and
Everything will get back to normal where
I'm hoping for the best for him and I hope
He will not regret his decision.
***
Hello everyone huhu the exam was finally over and I'm still lazy to write hehe. I'm busy reading mahnwa these days *especially re-reading BJ Alex ugh* Have a good day everyone hehe.
