Please, I do not want a heart

59: Please I Do Not Want a Heart

It is a complete darkness. Dream keep on having this dream since her father left for war. At first it gave uncertainty but gradually she had gotten used to it. Especially, after meeting with gorgeous Wisteria tree, Dream felt a bit comfortable and gotten used to this dream. However, this time that feeling is nowhere to be found. As soon as she open her eyes and welcomed by this darkness, she started running and looking for the tree. She runs and run until she sees the beautiful Wisteria tree, and as soon she sees it, dream runs around it. She look for the big human that been leaning against it for the couple nights already. 

She felt relieve upon seeing the same motionless body and started banging the invisible wall. She was not far from him but at the same time she is not near enough to see if the big human is breathing.

"Hey!!! Daddy!! Wake up!!" She start yelling on the top of her lungs.

"Please wake up!!! Hey!! You big human!!! You are so strong!!! Why are you doing this to me!!?? Wake up!! Please wake up!!" 

In these endless darkness, all she can hear is her voice and that is giving her a more sickening feeling. And she feel much worse because no matter how much she hits the invisible wall and how much she stretch her throat to yell, she does not feel anything physical. She feels nothing, and she hates it because...

It means this all just a dream.

Nothing but a dream.

When that realization hits her, her soul felt unbelievably weak and her knees fell unto the ground of the darkness. She knows she is crying but she doesn't feel the tears on her cheek. Her whole being just feel cold.

"What is this? This feels so disgusting. Why are you doing this to me?"

Dream does not know who she is asking. Is it the man leaning against the tree, is it God? Or the question is directed to herself. 

Upon living her former lives, she knows more than anyone else that she is the only who have the power to control all her emotions. She is the only one who can determine what to care about and what is happiness and sadness will be. 

Same history had repeated itself. She is all alone once again. She was left behind again. She lost people again. However, she does not know how to proceed again.

How am I supposed to live this life again?

She asked herself and then she slowly open her eyes. She feel like her eyes are burning and her body feels heavy. When she open her eyes she noticed that she is laying on a soft carpet. It took her awhile to realize that she is not in her own chamber.

"Good morning." 

Dream flinched at the cold voice behind her. Dream slowly turn her back to meet the gaze of the Queen.

Queen Anne looks like that she have not slept and it is evident that she cried the whole night. Her gaze is cold but she sounded concern.

"How are you feeling?"

Dream look down and does not want to meet her cold gaze. She close her eyes because she does not know how to act. No matter, if it is her former life or this one, Dream does not know how to act and portray herself. She have lost a lot of people at both lifetime, but it feels like a  new feeling every single time.

Probably, it is something no one can get used to.

Dream flinched upon feeling the same warm embrace from the previous night.

"It is okay, I am here. I am all you have now."

Dream start subconsciously shaking.

"Just stay by my side, because I am all you have now."