peace of mind

entry 8

     I have always only been involved with guys, but there is just this one guy that for some reason I had been hung up on for YEARS. Therefore I never really experienced anything other than what I had with that person. I feel like that guy put me through hell more than anything. I spent so much of my time crying over this person for YEARS almost every day and it was terrible. But the good moments are the things I wanna remember, you know?

I had always wanted the good to outweigh the bad more than anything in every situation with being involved with him but at the end of the day, when it came down to it, the bad always seemed to outweigh the good unfortunately.

     So, I had come to the conclusion a few weeks ago that he wasn't worth being miserable for anymore. Because how did someone who you THOUGHT made you so happy, make you so sad and miserable? From that point forward, I had decided that I was just going to start focusing on myself and realizing what I want in life and where I want to go and be with my life. It's just so odd though, because everything reminds you of them.

     I'm just kinda starting to find myself and figure myself out, you know? I wanna figure out who I am but find out who I am WITHOUT him and it is truly so much harder than you'd think. That's something that I was always so terrified to do but then one day you wake up and realize that you're tired of hurting all the time and constantly stressing or worrying about a person who clearly doesn't care about you at all because if they did then they wouldn't have put you through all of that pain that they KNEW they were causing.