peace of mind

entry 6

Does anyone else have this one person that they were hung up on for years? You thought that you would never get over them? 

They were never worth a SECOND of your time, yet you gave them YEARS of your time because for some reason, you thought that they were gonna be worth it. 

You deserve to be happy and to do all of the things that you want to do in this life. You have your own personal goals to fulfil. 

They were never gonna get you where you need to be or want to be in life. The only thing that they ever did was continuously drag you down a dark hole with them that consisted of partying, drinking, smoking, etc. All things of which were never gonna do any good to your life. You let them talk you into that lifestyle and they got you into the party life with their persuasive ways only to drop you like dead weight and switch up on you after you were already in too deep. 

You started to change the way you dressed and the way you acted. You lost so many friends for them. You changed your whole life and changed yourself completely almost FOR THEM. You did it all for them because you had even just the slightest glimmer of hope that by changing YOURSELF, then THEY would like you or decide that you were worth being with or giving things a chance with. 

They were never gonna change, they had absolutely no intentions of doing it. So instead of THEM changing the way THEY are, they changed YOU because they had no interest in being better. All these years and all this time, you gave them so much of your time that they didn't deserve in the slightest bit. But you did it because you always thought that there was something worth holding onto them for. 

You always wanted to hope that somewhere down the road, the two of you would get somewhere and they would have matured a lot more and gotten to be a better person. You had hope that in the end, all of the things that you did and the things you went through for them would be well worth it. It just turns out to be that they are nothing more than a heartbreak disappointment to you.

They left you hanging and left you out in the cold so many times. Now they basically act like you don't even exist. After all the pain that they put you through, you deserve better than that. 

You wish them nothing but the best, but hope that one day they will realize what a big mistake they have been repeating this whole time. Maybe they'll grow into a better person. 

You have hope that a version of them who ISN'T manipulative, abusive, toxic, a liar, and a cheater exists somewhere in this world in the future. You will just be praying for growth. They were the one person that you would have done anything for, that you adored and endlessly cared so much about. They meant the world to you and they just so happened to have also been the person that broke you.

I can't be the only one who has gone through something like this this year.