Persphyni : I am Dangerous

41

"Hey!" Bellamy jumped as I walked out of his bathroom. "We should go watch the sunset." I met his curious glance with a slight frown. "What? I haven't actually enjoyed a sunset on earth yet." He stayed quiet, sizing me up.

"You know what, fine." I grabbed my leather jacket and pulled it on my black shirt, dusting my black cargo pants off. "I'll just go by myself."

"Wait! I'll come." I hid my smirk at the dumbass, too easily manipulated.

"Well hurry up. I've got a spot already picked out."

_______•*•*•*•_______

"How did you even think about getting up here?" Bellamy asked as we made on top of the circle portion of the Ark.

"Raven and Sinclair. They needed someone to climb up here earlier to make sure solar panels were still set from the landing. Wick's a chicken."

"Is that what you want to do? Become a mechanic or engineer?" I looked Bellamy in the eyes as I considered his question.

"I haven't really thought about it that much. But no. I," I looked away as I thought about it, sitting down on the small space of straight metal Bellamy and I would have to share. "I want to keep people safe. However that looks, I'm willing to do it." Bellamy grabbed my hand making me look at him.

"You're not going to have to make those types of sacrifices anymore. We're safe, we should enjoy this time while we have it." Bellamy and I sat there in silence for a few seconds, staring at each other before I shook my head.

"We've never been safe Bellamy, and you know that." I sighed, pulling my hand from underneath his and wrapping my arms around myself. Showing signs of vulnerability as I set down my mask. "Bell, what are we doing?"

"We're about to watch the sunset." Bellamy said as he shifted closer to me and wrapped an arm around me, to which I leaned in to stay warm.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Our friends, family, they're not themselves and we're here. Relaxing and," I could feel Bellamy's glance as he looked down at me, but I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Is the, Persphyni Atlys Kane, feeling guilty?" I threw a weak elbow into his side, sighing as I leaned further into him.

"Not appropriate." Bellamy chuckled but sobered up.

"Pers, it's okay to feel these emotions. They aren't a bad thing. In fact, they make you more human. A total step from the mysterious shadow who seemed to be invincible and detached." This time I chuckled. My eyes moving from the sun as it started to dip to Bellamy.

"That's thanks to you and the rest of our people. Bell," I looked down, fighting with myself as I pulled up the courage and allowed myself to be vulnerable for a few moments more, "I've done bad things. I've killed without blinking, ripped families without guilt, bathed in blood and smiled. I'm a killer, and that's not even the worst part." My sentence faded into a whisper as I once again fought to be vulnerable. "I enjoyed it. I knew deep in my heart it was wrong, but I still did it. And if I hadn't met Clarke while in solitary, I would have killed everyone down here as soon as we landed. I was raised to be a killer, to never cry, to never surrender, to never show mercy, to never.." I swallowed and turned back to the sun as it hit the horizon. The beautiful pinks, oranges, yellows, and blues, blending so perfectly that I wonder if it was making me confess. "To never love."

Bellamy was silent as we watched the sun cross the horizon. His silence put me in a cage as I waited, worried he'd hurt me now that I let down my wall and exposed the glass figurine beneath.

"Persphyni." I turned to him, sharply breathing in at how close we still were. "What you were raised to be may have defined you then, but you are the maker of your own destiny. You get to decide what you do now, what you write in the next page, how you finish the next chapter." I smiled softly, the dumbass wasn't so dumb. "You can't change the past, but what you can make is the present. The sun rises everyday, and it sets when it's done. And when it rises again, it's a blank page for you to write upon."

"When did you become so wise?" Bellamy smirked giving me a wink.

"Just because you call me a Dumbass doesn't mean I'm dumb, I'm smarter than you think. It comes with the age." I rolled my eyes, the perfect retort ready.

"Yeah, I guess when you're an old man you've lived through some stuff." His bark of laughter made me smile as he settled down shaking his head with a smile.

"You're wrong you know." I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. But he continued to look up at the stars, his arm still around me. "You do deserve love. Someone just has to be crazy enough to show you." I laughed a little, the thought of anyone being able to love or receive the proper love in return from me.

"How'd we even get on this topic?" I abruptly spoke attempting to change the subject. "Besides, didn't we say we were forgetting that conversation." As soon as I said those words I wanted to slap myself in the face.

"Yeah. I guess we did." He laughed but it didn't match his face. His eyes dull showing the falseness of his noise.

We remained quiet watching the world grow darker and the stars came out shining at their brightest. The moon overhead perfectly spotlighting Bellamy's features as I stole secret glances. We enjoyed the silence until something that I'd never seen before happened.

"Was that?"

"A shooting star." I smiled, a true childish smile that held wonder I didn't know I possessed.

"Beautiful." I whispered as another followed it. Than a third. Seeming to put a show on as if they knew they had our attention.

"Yes." The husky breath danced across the side of my face and I knew the stars only had one person's attention.

And after the exhausting several days and weeks we've had, I simply pocketed the thought and let the butterflies flap as I looked for constellations I had memorized from an old astronomy book.

Fully aware but avoidant of his lingering gaze as I began to point them out and tell stories that I could remember about each one.

Distracting myself from the perfect moment to act on the feelings I locked in a steel cage.

The stars and moon be our only witness.